Out With The Old…

Tonight, I will see in a New Year for the 50th time.

Having tried and failed at making and achieving New Year’s resolutions since I became aware of what a resolution was, I’ve decided that this time, I will put that tradition behind me, along with all of the trauma and pain that came my way in 2011.

Tonight, I walked a labyrinth, with intent and purpose – as a symbol of letting go of my past and my preconceived notions about myself and others.  I followed the circuits to the center, leaving the limitations of my history behind.  On reaching the center, I sat and looked inward, reaching toward my own center, and eventually found the peace and joy of just being in that moment.  When the time was right, I then followed the path back out to a new realization that I truly have the potential to achieve my goals, as long as I look inside myself for guidance.

I am, for the first time in many years, ready to greet the New Year with hope.

I Love Haiku, Episode 1

Have I found the key?

Or more empty promises?

Only time will tell…

So…  my last post was about my first experience with meditation.  Since then, I’ve gone to another group session, and have now meditated solo twice, yesterday and today.  Tonight’s session was actually pretty good, too; nearly five minutes!  Not bad for a beginner, right?

Anyway, I’m noticing changes in my attitude and emotional state already, and I’m wondering – is it real?  Or is it the placebo effect that hits me every time I try something new?  Sometimes I REALLY hate being a skeptic…

As an example – today I ate less because I wasn’t feeling down on myself, I was significantly less perturbed by drivers doing under the speed limit in the fast lane (it’s going to take some time to beat that one though!), and I complimented three of my coworkers!

I can only hope that I’ve finally found the path I need to follow – and I’m going to do my best to open myself to the magic.

A Different Destination… For Now…

A couple of days ago, I had the good fortune to participate in a group meditation and discussion on a book called Falling Into Grace, by Adyashanti.  The topics that we read and discussed that evening really hit home yesterday, when I received a rather vitriolic note from one of the family members I cut myself off from earlier this year.  Between these two events, I made a profound discovery that brought to light some of the fundamental issues I’m having with getting healthy.

Like many others out there who have difficulty in improving their physical health, I suffer from low self-esteem that has spiraled into a continuous cycle of self-sabotage.  I’ve been told so many times, by people that mattered to me, that I was not and never would be “good enough” – I didn’t deserve to be happy in any way, shape, or form.

This went on for most of my life, right up into this past year, when I finally broke off contact with my family.  Even beyond that, I felt that I had done wrong in taking such a drastic step.

That is, until I walked into a room with a small group of strangers, and felt complete acceptance, entirely without condemnation.  It was then that I started to feel that perhaps I was not the awful person I have come to believe that I am.

This feeling was so strong that it carried over to help me get past my relative’s nasty note without as much drama as it might have a month ago.  I was able to regard it much more rationally, without tears and anger.

I now believe that I need to focus on a journey toward spiritual health before I can truly undertake to develop a healthy lifestyle – I need to learn that I deserve to be my best, regardless of what anyone, including me, might say or think.

To that end, I’m going to take some time away from the hard-and-fast eating and exercise goals to work on my self-image.  If I can start to get away from the negative picture I have of myself, I’m much more likely to be able to bring to life the positive picture of what I want to be.

#plankaday Puzzle Challenge!

Yesterday, I started #plankaday.  I managed a pathetic 15-second plank yesterday, and a laughable 21.7 seconds today.  My core is as strong as overcooked pasta right now!

Anyway, I’ve decided to throw out a fun puzzle challenge in order to keep me on track, and to have a little fun with it…

Each day, I’ll incorporate a piece of the puzzle into my #plankaday tweet.  Today’s and yesterday’s tweets include puzzle pieces, too, so I’ll add them to the end of this post for those who may have missed them.  The last puzzle piece will be tweeted on December 28th.

As soon as you think you have the correct solution to the puzzle, DM it to me on Twitter (I’m @way2wild there), or email it to wide2wyld@gmail.com.  I’ll draw one name from all correct responses received by midnight Pacific on New Years Eve to receive a prize of some sort – not sure what yet though (I’m open to suggestions, as long as they’re not too outrageous!)…  Oh, if anyone knows a good site that I can use to randomly select a winner, that would be awesome, too!

Oh, you can also get bonus entries – if you participate in #plankaday, your correct solution will get you two entries!  Comments on my blog, starting with this post, will also garner extra entries with a correct puzzle solution.

By the way, this is the first time I’ve ever held a contest like this – I might have missed a key point somewhere.  If you have questions or suggestions, please don’t hesitate to let me know!

Now, for those two #plankaday tweets that have already gone out:

December 2nd, 2011 - Today's #plankaday letter is P! For the preposterously pathetic plank performed! A whole 15 seconds...

December 3rd, 2011 - Today's #plankaday letter is L! For the latently laughable plank a little longer than yesterday's! Made 21.7 seconds today...

Thanks for playing!

Today I Am Thankful…

… for a relatively healthy body that, despite years of abuse, is responding to my attempt to improve it and make it stronger.  Though my bones and muscles may protest after a particularly hard effort, they always carry me through everything I ask of them.

… for the world’s most awesome husband, who loves me despite my flaws.  He would go to the ends of the world to make me happy.  Oh, he does the dishes and laundry too!

… for the unconditional love in my dog’s eyes when she sees me.  Even on my blackest days, I can find peace in the feel of her soft coat under my fingers.

… for my home, my job, and the ability to eat as healthily as I choose, in a time when so many are lacking one or more of these.

… for friends, either local or online, who have confidence in me even when I do not.

… for the online communities I’ve become a part of in the past year – the health and fitness bloggers and tweeps…  Brad Gansberg’s #7daychip and #5kin100days families… Robby’s #gothedist group…  They are there when I need help regaining my focus, without pushing too hard in the times when I need to lose myself for a bit.  They inspire me to try things I thought were out of reach for many years, and they don’t condemn when I fall short of my goals.

Thank you.

Black (Mood) Friday

Over the past few years, or maybe longer, the Friday after Thanksgiving has been referred to as “Black Friday” because that’s the day that can make or break a retail operation’s sales revenue for the year.  This year, the big thing is to start the Black Friday sales in advance of the actual day.  Let me tell ya – I could teach them a thing or two about getting an early start on the holidays…

It’s been a long time since I felt celebratory by the time Turkey Day rolls around – that’s about the time I start to think about how little I’ve accomplished toward my goals for the year.  This year is promising to be a real winner, due to some pretty significant emotional upheavals on the family front, and some pretty stressful incidents at work, too.

I’ve suspected that it was creeping up on me for a couple of weeks now – my enthusiasm about getting moving and sticking to my plan has been waning, along with making time for me…  And it’s starting up the vicious cycle all over again.

I’m going to do my best to beat the holiday blues, but I know I have a tough road ahead…  If you have any tips for staying strong into the New Year, I’d surely appreciate if you would pass them along…

Day 2–Long, But Good…

I left home for work today just before 8 am, and got home a bit after 9 pm.  Of course, part of that was my wonderful weekly yoga class, which allowed me to relax after the last rough couple of weeks, but also seemed to energize me quite nicely.

I really do need to start practicing more frequently!

Day 1–Back To Square 1

I’m sure I’ve said this before, but it’s been a rough couple of weeks.

I let work rule my life, and I’ve paid the price in poor sleep, unhealthy eating, and next to no activity – all of which resulted in several steps in the wrong direction with regard to my healthy living goals.

That all changes, starting today.

Tracking my food, drinking my water, moving my body, and getting enough rest are back in the forefront, along with some other changes I’ve been thinking about – more to come on those another time.

At this point in time, I’m wholly committed to making positive changes in my life.  I know that, in the days, weeks, and months ahead, there will be times when that commitment may waver – I know that, in order to get through those times, I will need help from my support circles on Facebook, Twitter, and through this blog.  I also know that, in order to get this help and support, I have to ask for it.

Asking for help is not something that has ever come easily to me – I know that I’m a stubborn, self-reliant, and independent idiot in many areas of my life.  It’s going to be hard for me to change this, but I’m going to try.

I also need to learn to stop making excuses – no one really wants to hear why I blew it; they just want to know that I’m going to accept that I made a mistake and move on.  Suffice to say that I am the only one I can blame for my situation, because I’m the one that’s made the decisions.  I’m the ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE IT BETTER.  Whether that involves changing habits, seeking professional help, or just staying on the same course, it’s my choice, so there isn’t any sense in saying, it happened because…

In the coming days, I’m going to put everything down on paper – my goals, why I want them, and how I’ll reward myself for achieving them.

And, above all, I’m going to try to stay positive – I CAN DO IT THIS TIME!

If I Do The Grape Stomp, Do I Get To Drink Some Wine?

I woke in the pre-dawn darkness to a breakfast of oatmeal with milk and blackberries…  Then made my way back upstairs to brush my teeth and get into my running gear.  Not that I’m much of a runner – yet!

As I pulled out of the driveway, the sun was just cresting the horizon.  The morning was crisp; the epitome of fall in the wine country.

As I reached the park that was the designated start/finish point for the race, I saw many others arriving – some, like myself, alone, while others arrived in groups.  I had arrived early enough to ensure that I wouldn’t run my race getting from my parking spot to my starting point.

I checked out the sponsors and such during the hour I waited for my start time – 5-hour Energy, Fleet Feet, and Palo Alto Medical Group had some good information and goods to offer.

Finally, it was time – the start of the 2011 Livermore Grape Stomp 5K was imminent.  I lined up with the rest of the 5K group (those running the half and the 10K had already departed).

I started off strong – my Garmin Forerunner told me to slow down on my warm-up.  My fast walk segment was faster than I normally manage on the treadmill, too.  My first running interval was outstanding; my fastest pace to date – with a recovery pace to match.

As the race wore on, and the morning became warmer, I began to think I might falter, I might not make it through the scheduled running intervals…  But I persevered, and succeeded!

Yeah, I stomped some grapes today, and, yes – I enjoyed a nice glass of Livermore wine to celebrate!

Late To The Party…

But at least I got there!  The October #GoTheDist got started without me, but I’m bound and determined to be there for the finish this time!

I’m finding this month’s theme really fun – who do you want to be today?

It’s actually making me feel better about the bad days, and that’s a good thing!

I really want to thank Robby (@FatGirlvsWorld) for coming up with this!

Tired Of Being Tired…

A few months ago, when I was doing the clinical study for a new depression drug, one of the questions that they would ask me at every check-in meeting was, “Do people tell you that you look tired?”

As I was looking in the mirror this morning, getting ready for work, I realized that, yes, I do look tired.  I can’t remember ever having dark puffy circles under my eyes like I have lately.  It’s no wonder I have no energy, and am getting nowhere with my quest to shrink my body.

I wake up each morning feeling like I’m still exhausted – when I try to set my alarm early enough to get up for a workout, I roll over, turn it off, and go back to sleep.

I’m actually going in for a sleep study, but it’s not scheduled until after Thanksgiving – I don’t think I want to wait that long to see if I can improve my sleep…  To that end, I’ve decided to focus a new #7daychip attempt in this area.

Tonight and tomorrow night will be free days – I am just going to go to bed and sleep until I’m ready to wake up on Saturday and Sunday mornings.  Starting Sunday night, though, it will be in bed by 9:30 pm and lights out by 10.  Monday morning, I will get up and 5:30 am to hit the treadmill.  This will be the plan for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights.

For Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday, it will be in bed by 11 pm, lights out 11:30, and up the next morning at 7.  I’m including Wednesday here because my yoga class doesn’t get done until 8:45 pm – I get home at 9 to have supper and shower, then go to bed.

This schedule may adjust once my current yoga class is finished and I move to a different one on a new schedule, but the base hours and time will still apply.

I’m hoping to carry this effort into a #30daychip – that should be a good foundation for a new habit, and should give my body time to adjust to the new schedule.  It’s going to be tough, though – even as a baby (my mother has told me), I would sleep until 9:30 or 10 every morning.

Since I’ve also read, and been told, on numerous occasions by knowledgeable sources, that being active breeds energy, I’ll be starting a second #7daychip tomorrow, for 10 minutes of DELIBERATE activity each day.  Housework qualifies if I’m up and moving for 15 minutes or more at a stretch.  Climbing stairs in the normal course of a day at work or at home, not so much…  If I decide to take multiple trips up and down the stairs to get my heart rate up, I’ll count half, for the time spent going up.  If I walk somewhere, or bike, that counts, as does, of course, time on the treadmill.

I’m going to keep logging food on MyFitnessPal, but I’m not going to worry about whether I go over my calorie allotment there – I’m going to go by what my Fitbit tells me, as I think that’s a bit more realistic.  I’ll just put in a calorie total each day, because the pre-listed foods on Fitbit leave something to be desired…

I really hope that these changes will help me to realize some positive results…

Sue’s Theory Of Evolution

First of all, I need to apologize for having been so absent…  There’s really no excuse; once again, I’ve been putting myself last.  I know I need to try to be here, as my sense of well-being takes a serious hit when I don’t write…

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s very important for goals to evolve as we learn what we need to do in order to succeed in weight loss, health, or any other task we set for ourselves.

To that end, I am setting myself some new goals.  The first one is to always feel as good as I do right now.  I came home from my weekly Intro to Yoga class feeling energized, positive, and relaxed, more so than I’ve felt in a very long time…  AND THIS IS THE SECOND WEEK IN A ROW!!!

Last week, this feeling lasted about 24 hours (one too many idiot drivers harshed my buzz bigtime) – I want to see how long I can carry it this week.  I also want to start practicing more frequently – going to shoot for at least one extra session this week, either at home or while I’m away this weekend (going offroading!)…  This could be very good for me.

My second goal is to write more often – I’m going to try to write here at least three times a week.  I’m putting it on my calendar, as an appointment with myself.  Maybe the days I don’t get up early for a run, I can get up a LITTLE early to write.  OK, let’s say every other day.

Anyway, we’ll see what happens after I get these changes going…

In The Pink

This past weekend, I was fortunate enough to be a part of one of the most powerful events in the fight against breast cancer – the Susan G. Komen 3-Day For The Cure in San Francisco, California.

I did not walk 60 miles.

I participated as part of the crew that provides support for those who walk.  Together with seven others, I provided snacks, hydration, and an opportunity for a brief rest for over 1500 walkers as part of the Pit Stop 2 crew, aka “The Double Dee Diner”.

Sure, I may not have walked, but, over the four days of participation (crew work starts a day in advance of the event), I took over 50,000 steps, I hauled 40-pound bags of ice, cases of water, bananas, oranges, and other healthy snacks.  I helped erect and tear down a Western Shelter (eight-sided canopy with a cover that weighs about 50 pounds and a frame that requires four people to carry) nine times, and helped load and unload them and other equipment including signs and beverage coolers from our truck.  I slept in one of a sea of pink tents on Treasure Island (partway through the span of the Bay Bridge).  I got up at 5 or earlier and was in bed before 10 each night.  I showered in a truck.  I streaked my hair pink.

I wore funny costumes.

Unfortunately, I also ate the same food as the walkers – there are not many options for eating elsewhere on Treasure Island, and the menus were designed to fuel endurance walkers.  Which, of course, means I put back on some of those pounds I’ve been working so hard to get rid of…

Once again, I’ve got my work cut out for me…

Bad For The Body, Good For The Soul…

Every so often, I need to let go…

Yesterday was one of those days…  I went to a geocaching event for a friend’s birthday.  It was a potluck BBQ, with some truly awesome food contributions (I made these…).

There was a totally amazing array of food at this event.  I am proud to say that I made mostly healthy choices…  Hubs and I shared a top sirloin steak, and (of course!) some of my beans…  Someone had brought salad fixin’s, so we also partook of those.  Later in the day, someone brought a bunch of marinated chicken and tritip for everyone; I enjoyed a small piece of tritip and a bit of chicken – it was awesome!  I splurged on some tempura shrimp and a piece of birthday cake…  and I don’t feel bad about it one bit, as I think it’s necessary to indulge our taste buds every so often.

Now, granted, those deep-fried tasty shrimp and yummy yellow cake with strawberries and whipped cream frosting were NOT within my normal eating plan…  But they were WAY good for my state of mine…  I find that, every so often, I need to drop out and just not be concerned with the calorie  count and assorted associated calculations involved…

However, I also made an effort to offset that unbalanced eating – I took a walk around a lake that has been engineered for a 2-mile total distance.  Of course, I didn’t walk as quickly as I might – I had to stop for geocache hunting! – but it was a good workout that raised a sweat, so I’m happy….

In the end, it was great to spend a day with good friends, good food, sunshine, without a care… It helped me to be vey ready to get back on track, successfully, today.

Wakeup Call

Today was a bit rough.  I had my annual physical.

I have a good relationship with my doc (she’s awesome!), so, of course, I told her of the things that have been going on with me…

I’m (not so) pleased to announce that I am the (not so) lucky winner of a colonoscopy and a sleep study to test for apnea!  Fun times… 

I was really surprised to see that my pulse came in at 68 bpm, which I think would indicate that my resting heart rate is fairly low…  And my blood pressure is happily normal.

I also had blood work done – TSH, vitamin D, and a metabolic panel.  The lab my doc uses (in the same building) is very quick with the results, so I had some answers today.

First, I have a vitamin D deficiency that will be treated using daily supplements and 10-minute doses of sunshine on a daily basis.

My TSH levels have dropped, and are now well within the normal range, which is a good thing, right?

Now for the scary part….  My blood sugar levels (at least this morning) were above the normal range, even after fasting since yesterday evening.  Yup, you guessed it – I’m now considered prediabetic.  Not a word that is going to give me the warm fuzzies…

Anyway, I have yet another incentive pushing me toward my goal!  Any advice here is invited and welcome…

Assessing The Damages…

I think I’ll always hate having birthdays…  They remind me of how much of my life I wasted abusing my body and my brain cells, and acting like a spoiled child.  I can’t help but think about what I could have been if I’d used the brain cells instead of trying to fry them.

Couple the fact that I had one of those horrid birthdays a week and a half ago with the fact that I suffer from clinical depression (along with some other contributing factors), and you get a cocktail that pretty much threw me over its head and right off the wagon of trying to become healthy in my eating and activities.  In fact, I landed in one of the deepest black holes I’ve been stuck in for quite some time.

I didn’t work out; I didn’t eat right.  Too much fried food (probably my biggest downfall); too much garbage; not NEARLY enough sweat.  Now it’s time to assess the damages in preparation to get back on track.

1. I should be nearly at my #30daychip; instead, I’m starting over at Day 1 tomorrow.
2. I should be entering Week 3 of the #5kin100days program; instead, I’ll be starting over on Monday with session 1.1.
3. I’m way behind on my tracking for the August #GoTheDist…  I’ll try to get back on track, and backtrack the things I’ve had to celebrate – even though my mind wasn’t thinking of celebrating at the time, I can probably find something to celebrate after the fact, right?
4. I totally lost my way with tracking my food and activity, and with my blog.  I’ve let myself and my handful of readers down.
5. I completely reversed the progress I had made – I’m back up six pounds, and gained back the inch of girth I’d lost.

Worst of all, I knew that these things were happening, and I let myself dwell on them, which sent me spiraling down ever further…  I’m hoping that, now that I’ve gotten them out of my system and out into cyberspace, I can stop the vicious cycle, and get back to where I need to be.

Oh, Garmin, Wherefore Art Thou, And Another Click On The Age-ometer

So yesterday morning, I finally fought myself out of bed, got into my workout clothes, dropped the treadmill, and went to grab my Forerunner to time my intervals for my #5kin100days run.  I have the footpod, so I can actually track mileage while on the treadmill, too.

Anyway, I went to the spot where (I thought) I last left it, and it wasn’t there…  I had just pushed new workouts to it, or so I thought….  When I looked at the agent on my computer again, it was not connecting.  I spent the next half-hour looking for the damn thing before deciding to watch the timer on the treadmill.  I was resigned to the fact that I would not see the Garmin for months (yes, my house is in a state of constant transition as we move things around to work on remodeling the next bit).

After I finished the workout, I was making breakfast and putting my lunch together when I heard the distinctive beep that signals a wireless Garmin data transfer.  Still, I couldn’t find it…  I finished my breakfast and went up to shower and get ready for work.  I mentioned to my wonderful hubby that I was missing my toy; he said he would look some more after work.

When I came downstairs, it was sitting on the table – he had found my tracker in mere moments!  Somehow ended up under the sofa!

Anyway, the moral of the story is that I didn’t let it get in the way of my workout – a month ago, I would have called it a reasonable excuse for skipping it.  I’ve come a long way this summer!

On another note, my personal age-ometer clicked over another digit today.  I’ve got exactly one year left to meet my goal.

For some reason, my depression really kicks in at this time…  It’s very tough to keep focused on the things that are important to me.  This past year has been particularly rough, with family- and job-related stresses that are emotionally painful.  I did give myself a bit of leeway today, but still managed to stick fairly closely to plan – enough so that I’m still calling it a success.

Tomorrow’s another day….

Who Are You, And What Did You Do With Sue?

That’s what my husband said to me tonight, when I told him I was actually looking forward to getting up early to do my #5kin100days workout tomorrow.

Why would he say this?  Well, I am a notoriously late sleeper – I can easily sleep until noon or one, if I don’t have something planned…  If there was an opening for a professional sleeper, I’d be a shoe-in!

Well, guess what – I’m just as amazed as he is!  I actually can’t wait to get up in the morning, and hit the ‘mill!

Taking Stock – 2011-08-06

OK, so I’m a day late, but what else is new?

Yesterday was my designated check-in day, and I must say that, while it wasn’t perfect, I was OK with my progress.  I was down 1.8 pounds over the last week, and lost half an inch on my waist.  I’ve updated my progress page with the results…

I managed to work in two #5kin100days sessions, repeating Run 1.1 both times, and improved my total distance and average speed on the second one, as I had hoped.  If you’re interested, you can track my running sessions here…  I am now part of the third training group for the program – thanks, Brad!

I also did my first-ever attempt at yoga, and found that Child’s Pose is difficult with a big ole gut in the way…  I’m now looking into some books and DVDs specifically for plus-size bodies.  In the meantime, I’ll keep doing my best attempt at doing modified versions of the three poses I’ve started with – I have SUCH a long way to go!

I also signed up for Fat Girl vs. World’s August #gothedist challenge.  I need to get my tracking for that caught up, but I think that it’s a good tool for changing my way of thinking about things…

Finally, I’m taking part in the Not Over The Hill Virtual 5K hosted by Carrie of Family Fitness Food.  As soon as I found out that she’s putting it on for her birthday (which is the same day as mine!), I had to investigate further – and ended up signing up.  I had originally hoped to do my 5K today, but ended up working late last night and early this morning, so will do it on Thursday morning, instead, when I’ve scheduled a work-from-home day.

On to week 2, which may prove challenging with some of the events that are taking place….

Changing It Up A Bit…

So, it’s becoming obvious to me that planning to work out after getting home from work (at least my running plan) simply doesn’t happen most of the time, so it’s time to try a new tactic.

I’m going to (GASP!!) get up early two mornings a week, and run BEFORE work.  Yup, that’s right – setting my alarm an hour and a half earlier, on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Getting into my gear and sneaks, dropping the treadmill, and getting it done.  My third running day will be Sunday, which is most often my “free” day of the weekend.

I’m going to start this tomorrow morning – I’m feeling really guilty right now about having found yet another excuse to not work out after I got home tonight.  I’m entirely too good at it, and that’s not a talent I’m proud to claim.

Monday-Wednesday-Friday will be my learn-to-yoga nights, and, yes, I am going to continue to schedule that for evenings, at least for now – shouldn’t be as bad as getting myself on the ‘mill, as I don’t need to put on shoes.

Saturdays will be rest days – well, sort of; the house has to get cleaned sometimes, right?

Defining My Plan!

As of today, I weigh 219.4 pounds.  My goal weight is somewhere in the neighborhood of 140 – not unreasonable for a woman of my age and bone structure.  That’s a total of about 80 pounds I have to lose.

If I can manage to do this at a rate of a pound and a half a week, I should be able to do this in just over a year – just in time for my 50th birthday.  What does this mean?  It means it’s time for me to get serious; no more playing around or fluffing off.

In order to succeed, I’m going to log my food and my workouts every day using MyFitnessPal (www.myfitnesspal.com), and stay within the calorie limits that the system has set for me.  I do like this program, because it takes into account any extra calories I burn during my logged activities, and adds them to my daily allotment  Of course, I have the option to not use them, in which case, I should be able to see faster results.

I’m also going to start over again with the #5kin100days program, which means I’ll do a walk/jog session 3 times per week.  In addition, I’ve picked up a couple of beginning yoga DVDs, and plan to start working on these three days per week, on non-wogging days.  My seventh day (typically Saturday) will be an active rest day, incorporating house cleaning, shopping, and other household necessities.  This way, I should be able to build a habit of healthy activity, which in turn will lead to a healthier lifestyle.

I know that rewards are key to success in anything.  For every seven successful days, I will reward myself with a new trashy novel (I really like vampire stories!).  For every thirty days, I’ll treat myself to a massage…

There will be rewards for weight lost, too – for every 10% of my body weight that I drop, I will give myself a “lazy” day – one where I get to just sit and read, or be otherwise inactive, all day.  When I get halfway to my goal weight, I will get a new Kindle (had a first-gen, but it died several months ago – best. invention. ever!).  And, of course, the reward for reaching my goal will be a new wardrobe to wear while on my Hawaii 5-0!

Tomorrow Is A Brand-New Day (1)…

I’ve been in a funk for just over a week now…  Not sure what caused it – most likely just another random acyclical shift in the chemically imbalanced miasma that is my brain.  At any rate, I’ve not felt worthy of doing things to take care of myself, like exercising and eating healthfully.

I think I’m finally coming out of it, though – starting to feel more like making an effort again, so I’ve decided it’s time to get back on track with #7daychip and #5kin100days.  Tomorrow is Day 1 of my #7daychip, and I’ll start back to the 5K program on Sunday, as tomorrow must be devoted to housecleaning, which has been somewhat neglected lately, as well…

So, tomorrow morning, I’m going to “pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again” with a weight and measurement check-in.  It’s time to stop feeling sorry for myself…

Reactions To A Heavy Day…

I’m sure everyone’s had those days when, despite your best efforts at sticking to your eating and exercise plans, you get up and find that the numbers on the scale have gone up instead of down.

For me, those are the hardest days – I start to wonder if I’m ever going to succeed, which then turns into, “Why should I bother any more?”  Particularly in light of the fact that I am about to head out for a weekend of adventures that will involve limited options for healthy eating.

At this point, I’m really struggling with ensuring that I do what’s necessary to have healthy choices available, and take the time and effort to keep up with tracking what I put in.  Right now, it is all too tempting to take the easy road, and just go off the wagon for the weekend…

I won’t have a problem staying active; there is going to be much geocaching and running involved in the competition we’re participating in…  It is, as always, the eating side of the equation that is a problem for me.

I’d love to know what others feel about “heavy” days, and how they react and persevere…

Adjusting My Strategy…

After a rough couple of weeks that pretty much derailed my healthy eating and workout plans, I find it’s time to rethink my strategy for achieving my goals when work gets in the way (as it’s bound to do from time to time)…

The exercise part is easy…  I’ve got a JumpSnap (https://www.jumpsnap.com/) that I’m going to put in my backpack, for those times when I end up at a customer site on an emergency visit.  Quite often, these types of visits offer a fair amount of time where I’m simply waiting for part of a fix to complete – I can do five or ten minutes at a time of jumping rope, marching or jogging in place, and stretching here and there during these periods.

I also came to realize that I need to approach my #5kin100days program a bit differently…  Instead of automatically moving from one session to the next because I’m “supposed to”, I’m going to repeat the workouts until my metrics (heart rate and recovery time) indicate that I’m ready.  Sure, I won’t be done in the 100 days, but I’ll be much happier with myself and with running in general.  I actually started the program again from the beginning, and found that, with this new plan in mind, I was able to push myself that much harder – I managed to go over 1.75 miles in 35 minutes (after subtracting the time spent stretching).  I find I’m also looking forward to seeing myself better that on the next go-round!

The hard part is planning that will allow me to maintain my healthy eating in the event of an unexpected all-night server rebuild – in many cases, there are limited options available when dinner time rolls around, and my healthy lunch has already been eaten.  Sure, I can carry a selection of healthy snacks on these excursions, but those will only carry me so far…  I’m open to suggestions, of course!

What do you do when you find that life’s unexpected events derail all of your careful planning, and the only options for a satisfying meal feature either fast-food or completely decimating your stash of good-for-you snacks?

First Ever Fitbloggin’ Local Meetup – Norcal Edition!

Today, I had the great pleasure of attending the first-ever Fitbloggin’ Local meetup of Northern California health and fitness bloggers, hosted by Susan (@foodiemcbody) of foodfoodbodybody.  Not only did she invite us all into her beautiful home; she also organized a wonderful agenda of activities for us all.

We started off with an easy hike at Redwood Regional Park, which was just a short drive from the venue of our gathering.  We walked about two miles on the West Ridge Trail.  It was an easy hike, and we all were able to spend some time chatting and getting to know one another.

By the time we got back to the house, we were all ready for lunch (or, at least, I sure was!).  Fortunately, everyone who came brought something tasty and healthy to share – we had quite the feast!

A host of fresh fruits and veggies, with an assortment of dips…  Cakes, pies, and cookies made with healthy ingredients…  Grilled sausages…  A wonderful vegan pasta salad and a tasty barley salad…  For the most part, I’m not sure who brought what, but it was all totally YUM!!!  I made my shrimp ceviche, which seemed to go over very well – I brought home just enough for a nice lunch tomorrow!

After lunch, Danica, from Danica’s Daily, gave an awesome presentation on “Taking Your Blog To The Next Level.”  I picked up some good pointers that I hope to start implementing here soon.  I actually recorded the presentation, but still need to review it and get her permission to post, before I can share it here.

We finished up our afternoon with an introductory session of Nia, which seems to be a fusion of a number of disciplines including yoga, tai chi, and martial arts with dance.  Terre Pruitt, the instructor, was quite good at leading us through what turned out to be a very free-form session.  It was at once intense and relaxing, and I’d love to try it again!

I had a great time, and I’m really looking forward to taking part in more of these meetups – hey, anyone, would you be up for a hike followed by some wine tasting, perhaps?

Many thanks again to Susan for putting this together for us!!

Got Hope?

I saw this bumper sticker on a car on my way to work this morning, and it got me thinking...

I know that something like this typically has religious overtimes, but what is to preclude its application to other aspects of life, too?  I mean, if you have no hope achieving a goal, then you're most likely not going to work very hard to get there, right?

I think that this has beena big gotcha for me for a very long time...  I have had people telling me I would never amount to anything for most of my life.  After hearing it long enough, it became difficult for me to believe otherwise.

More recently, though, I have been able to make changes for the better in my life.  I'm beginning to believe that I can succeed in achieving my goals, as long as I focus on small steps and small successes.

I think that losing the weight and getting fit is probably the most difficult task I have ever set for myself, at least from my point of view...  but now, I am starting to feel that I can do this...   yes, there is hope for me yet.

Posting A Loss For The First Time In A While…

So I’ve been slowly bouncing upwards over the past few weeks again, which is why I haven’t been updating my progress page – I’ve been somewhat ashamed of myself…

Of course, it’s really tough to get in a workout when you leave the house at 7 am, and don’t get home until nearly 8 pm…  Fortunately, I’ve gotten the last bits of that project kicked out, and hope to be looking at a more normal schedule that will let me get onto the treadmill more regularly – yes, treadmill – it was nearly 100 degrees where I live today.  In fact, I only just opened up the windows again within the last half hour (it’s after midnight now).

I have to say, I’ve also been being a bad #fitblogger…  I haven’t been taking the time to post updates here.  I’ve had some good ideas hit me, but usually when I’ve gone to bed for the night, or when I’m driving to work – not the most conducive times to write a blog entry, right?  I did note down some of the ideas I had, but they’ve since lost relevance…

I’m really excited for the #fitblog meetup next weekend, though – it will really be great to meet some of the successful bloggers in my area.  I’m hoping that they will rub off on me to some extent…    At the very least, it will help restore my enthusiasm for the journey, I think!

My New Favorite Workout

Today, I had the opportunity to try out a new physical activity – white-water rafting.  If you’ve never done this, and don’t mind a “little” bit of water, you really should give it a whirl.

Not only is it Mother Nature’s roller coaster (and far better than any man-made one I’ve ridden so far!); it’s an amazing workout with an excellent calorie burn (at least according to my entry on MyFitnessPal.com).  And it’s so much fun that you don’t even realize how hard your muscles are working…  Remember, you’re not just paddling gently down the stream!  You and your raftmates are following the instructions of the guide, paddling forwards and backwards through powerful maelstroms of water, all while wedging your legs against the inflated ribs of the raft to ensure that you stay aboard.  You also have the opportunity, during the gentler parts of the ride, to drop off the raft for a swim.  This was interesting today, as we were cruising along a river that was swollen with snowmelt – not the warmest water to take a dip in!

As I sit here writing this, I can tell that I’ll certainly be feeling the workout tomorrow, and I’m now reaching for the ibuprofen….

Still, if I could afford it, I would definitely enjoy this workout every day…  I can’t wait to go again!  Who wants to join me?

A Change In The 10’s Column

Today is a bit of a milestone.

A digit other than the two immediately surrounding the decimal point in my weight changed.  It’s been a long time since that number went down instead of up.  It’s a great feeling to know that I’m making progress, and it’s also an excellent motivator for sticking to the plan I’m on.

It gave me a reason to strap on my sneakers and hit the treadmill for the third run of week two of my #5kin100days program, even though I didn’t really feel like it.  The workout was rough – it’s warm today in the house (but not enough so to spend the bucks to turn on the AC), and I started to feel a bit nauseous about halfway into the intervals.  A couple of weeks ago – heck, a couple of DAYS ago – I probably would have given up and turned off the machine.  Today, I convinced myself I COULD finish, even if I had to slow my pace to a total crawl.  Still, it was another small victory – just because of one little number.

It also gave me a reason to adjust my meal plan for the day upon finding that I would be over my calorie goal.  Normally, I would have said, “OK, well, so what?  It’s not by that much, so it won’t matter.”  Instead, I looked for the easiest substitution on my dinner, then went to look at my salad dressing options for one that would put me under my goal.  I’ll be enjoying a high-quality balsamic vinegar and some some herbs and spices this evening.

Sure, I know that there will come a time when the numbers may not change for a while, and I’ll have to find other motivators to keep me on track, but for now, I will bask in this triumph for as long as I can!

Two Good Days…

Today is the second of the best couple of days I’ve had on this journey for a while now…

I’ve managed to stay under my calorie goal for both of them, and I’m on track with my #5kin100days program, too!  Plus, I finally got some household work done – been procrastinating on that for a while now.

I’m hoping to be able to continue the streak, and I am going to try to be a bit more consistent with posting here.

Can’t wait to have my hubby home in a couple more days!

Musta Got Lost

…  or lost my mind for a while…

Started last week… or maybe before that, I can’t remember…

I’ve been feeling so lethargic that I feel as if I’m fighting my way through molasses, both physically and mentally.  There was one shining day of clarity, this past Sunday, when I took part in the See Jane Run 5K, and actually managed to run for 7 minutes of it as part of my #5kin100days workout.  That day, I was on top of the world, and felt I could do almost anything.

Then I crashed again.  Been #TOTW (Totally Off The Wagon) for the last couple of days, eating everything bad for me in sight, and haven’t worked out at ALL since the race Sunday morning.

However…  I’ve decided I need to STOP feeling sorry for myself (I’m not even sure what that’s about this time, other than maybe feeling lonely for my hubby, who flew off to Toronto to visit his folks for a week – more on this later).  I’ve scheduled my next #5kin100days workout for tomorrow, so I’ll get up and eat breakfast, then strap on the sneakers.  I’m also going to get back to logging my food intake, and try eating more mindfully (which reminds me of another post I was wanting to write).

Oh – I’m going to try to keep up with this blogging business a bit more, too.  I want to commit to an entry at least every other day, because I find it’s really helpful to get things off my chest here.

And maybe, just maybe…  I can get some pounds off my butt, too.

Time Flies–Planks, Chips, and New Things, Too!

Like many folks, I live a very busy life, and quite often, some aspect of my life suffers for it.  Most often, it’s this space right here, where I try to share my thoughts and feelings – I guess that I haven’t quite connected this with “me time” yet…  Although I know I should, as I do see and feel the benefits of writing…

So, you might ask (or maybe not – perhaps you’re bored with me, but I don’t really care)…  What have I been up to the last little bit?

Well, I completed my first #7daychip today, with a goal of logging my food and being active for 10 minutes or more each day.  I’m going to try to continue on this path until I hit 30 days; then I will add something new into the mix.  I find that I need to focus on one thing at a time until the habit forms before I start on something new.  I guess I have an attention deficit when it comes to getting fit, as I am too easily distracted…

Of course, that doesn’t preclude me from doing things beyond this in order to reach my goals; I simply don’t expect myself to be able to maintain the habits, and I don’t berate myself for taking a day off now and again.

I started up my planks challenge again this week – so far, I’ve planked twice this week, which means that I need to do it again on both Sunday and Monday in order to meet my frequency goal.  Today’s plank lasted 22.5 seconds – that’s 5 seconds longer than the last one, so I met that goal.  I do need to catch up on the blogging topics, but haven’t had a chance to go back and review.  I’m hoping this long weekend will afford me the time to catch up on a few things without having work take precedence.

I’m also starting the #5kin100days program this week!  I’m so excited about this – I’ve been wanting to start running, but kept putting it off (I’m an expert procrastinator!).  With this program, I’ll have a select group of Tweeps, not to mention the blogosphere, to help keep me accountable.

Finally, while I was making my weekly batch of Sue Soup (my weekly indulgence is soaking in a nice hot bath and reading magazines), I read an interesting article on how to overcome fitness obstacles (in Fitness magazine).  One of the sections was for touching your toes, which is something I’ve NEVER been able to do.  It is basically a series of progressive stretches that, over six to eight weeks, should help me to achieve better flexibility and joint strength that will not only allow me to touch my toes – I’m sure it will help in my quest to become a runner, too.

The Light At The Beginning Of The Tunnel…

The past three weeks have been seriously filled with emotional upheavals, but I think I’m finally in a good space to start making some serious progress.  Over the last couple of days, the numbers seem to agree with me too!  If you take a look at my progress page, you’ll see what I mean…    I’m actually feeling a bit giddy!

Even though I’m really tired tonight, having dealt with an unexpected IT crisis today that required me to make an unexpected 130-mile trip to the client site to fix it, I thought I should take the time to start getting back to posting in this very public journal.  It really does help to talk to all of you, even though I’ve never met you, so I recognize that this is something I should try to do regularly.

I’m just wrapping up Day 5 in my quest for my first #7daychip, and I’m building another great support group via the #fitblog community.  I’ve restarted the #fitblog planks challenge, and will update here tomorrow with tonight’s progress.  Finally, I’ll be taking part in Brad Gansberg’s #5Kin100Days program, starting next week!

Good night, and thanks for listening!

Building With Planks

Yes, I’m a day late (aren’t I always?  )…  But, as of today, I am joining the #Fitblog Planks Challenge.

I just performed my initial test – I really suck at these!  I was able to hold proper position for 16.5 seconds.  For the purposes of this challenge, and for simplicity’s sake, I’m going to round this to 15 seconds

My goal over the course of this challenge will be to hold a plank for two minutes or more.  I will work on this at least four times per week, and will try to increase my time by at least five seconds

I’ve added a page to my site called “Planks Challenge” where I’ll post my progress!

If you’re interested in joining me in this challenge, you can find all of the information you need to get started at http://fitblogchats.com/about/challenges-and-special-projects/planks-challenge/.  Let’s do this!

Still Rushing…

Yesterday was such a kick in the pants!  Still a bit sore, but I think I’ll be able to hit the ‘mill again tomorrow….

Next up is the See Jane Run Half/5K in Alameda in 3 weeks….  That will be an easy one; max incline is just 1%.

Oh, I’m also starting the #fitblog Plank Challenge, but it’s not going to start until tomorrow for me – I need one more good night’s sleep to let the muscles recover….

I Did It!

Today, I managed to do something I never dreamed I’d do…

I took part in the 100th running of the Bay To Breakers in San Francisco, and I finished!

For those of you not familiar with this race, it’s basically the Bay Area’s quirky take on a distance run.  In years past, it was more a party/parade than a race, although this year, the “party” aspect was somewhat subdued, as alcohol and floats (and peeing in public) were banned.  However, public nudity was still permitted, and visible in all its glory (?!?).  Basically, those who were nude should not have been, but isn’t that always the case?

Still, it was an absolute blast – costumes ranging from a whole team dressed as crayons to a flock of Elvises, and many others.  I only have a few pics, as I was more focused on simply making it to the finish line, but the others on my team (Laurie, April, and Cat) may contribute some more to add to my new photo gallery tab.

At any rate, I had a great time, and got in a week’s worth of exercise in one day (at least for me), although I still intend to work out the rest of this week (well, except for maybe tomorrow; I ache!).

And I’m looking forward to trimming my time for next year!

Life Goes On…

I’m getting past the upheavals and emotional stress of the last week, and am on Day 2 of the #7daychip once again…  Feeling pretty good!

One thing that happened yesterday is that one of the relations had the nerve to say, “You’ll never lose the weight!” thinking that this was going to be devastating to my confidence.

I’ve decided to prove her wrong.

Emotional Weight Loss… Part 1

Well, I was going to post a big ole long entry about the war between me and my family that started last week, but I’m so over it now that I’m not even gonna go into it.

To make a long story short, I’m no longer speaking to any of them, although one in particular doesn’t seem to understand that her poison darts are about 100 miles wide.

Why is this?  Well, I feel like I’ve lost about 250 pounds of emotional weight over this past week or so – I struggled for years seeking their approval and letting myself be walked all over.

No more!  I have collected my belongings and moved on…  I just pray that they someday decide to seek the help they need.

I have a life – a decent career, a happy marriage, and a pretty good support network of friends, both flesh and digital.  I don’t have time or energy to waste chasing a few words of insincere praise…

It’s time to get on with MY life, and MY goals instead of worrying about others.  It’s time to lay my demons to rest.

I’m OK…

Just tired tonight…  Not enough sleep, and too long a day…

Managed to make it through Day 4 of my #7daychip, though!

Hoping for a good night’s sleep tonight, so that my creative writing skills can be back to normal…

Scattered….

Shedooby, scattered, scattered…

I’m sort of scaring myself tonight – I think it’s too soon for the endorphins to be kicking in!  So…  why do I feel like my brain is bouncing faster than the ball in the 786th level of a Pong game (now I’m dating myself…  )

I’m way under my target calories tonight, too, but not really hungry…  Haven’t felt like this, really, since the distant past when I would abuse substances that would keep me awake for days.  Hmmm… Hope I can shut my brain off when it’s time to go to bed.

I’m rambling tonight, too….  I had all sorts of good ideas for blog topics earlier… When I was too stinkin’ busy to write them down, of course!

Anyway, Day 3 is done, successfully…  Ready for Day 1 tomorrow! 

Today Is The First Day…

So, in last night’s post, I mentioned the #7daychip program…  This is not a formal plan by any means – it’s simply a group of very supportive folks on Twitter, taking things one day at a time.  Full details on the group can be found at http://www.bradgansberg.com/7daychip.html…  Anyone is welcome to join in; all you need is a Twitter account and a desire to learn to reach small goals that build up to bigger ones!

It’s not as easy as it sounds – at least not for me…  This is like my third attempt to hit seven days straight.  The first couple of tries failed, as I didn’t clearly state what I planned to do, and left myself wide open to bending the rules based on interpretation.  This time, I’ve resolved to do two things consistently over the next seven days:

1)  I will engage in at least 10 minutes of dedicated physical activity each day.

2)  I will log everything I eat.

The idea behind these two goals is that I will begin to develop the habit of being more active, and I will begin to build my awareness of my current calorie intake.  If I can make it through seven days, and meet my goals for each of those days, I think it will help me to start on the path to a healthy lifestyle.  Of course, as I progress, my goals will change and progress, as well!  One of the things I’ve learned so far is that I need to start small…

I’ve also noticed that I’m MUCH more motivated and enthusiastic on the first day of ANY program, so, from here on out, I am going to treat each and every day as a new start!

One Day At A Time…

Short post tonight, as it’s already late, and I have to go to work in the morning…  I wish I could work at home every day, as I don’t have to get up as early for my hour-long commute!

Anyway, I’m trying to get back in the game, once again…  Started up the #7daychip group again, and had a very successful Day 1.  I’ll provide more details on the program tomorrow…

Good night, all!

So Maybe I’m Not Ready For Running…

… but I’m definitely gonna work on it!

I tried a 5K training program on my treadmill tonight (after TOO many days off…).  Max speed was supposed to be 4.4 mph, but I just couldn’t do it – shins got really sore when I tried.to go that fast.  From a bit of research online, it looks like this is most likely due to weakness in my feet and ankles.  I have to imagine that this could be my issue, since I’ve really not been consistent with my workouts so far…

The good news is that it can be fixed!  I just need to work on strengthening those parts of my body, by gradually building up my speed and distance, and probably doing some calf raises on my steps won’t hurt, either…

The bad news?  I’m going to have to rethink my goals for upcoming races a bit – I wanted to run at least PART of Bay to Breakers, and was hoping to do my scheduled 5K in June at least at a slow jog.  The plan now is to do B2B in a bit over 2 hours, and do the 5K in under an hour.  Right now, my “comfort pace” is right around 3 mph.

Oh!!!!  That reminds me – I need to send my 3-month-old Garmin Forerunner in for repair – the stinking backlight quit working!  At least I have not yet sold my old 305 – I can use it while I’m waiting to get the other one back…

Anyway…  my physical well-being is NOT a race – I can slow down if necessary!  And I will….

Tummy Trouble…

Today’s plan was for a day of active rest, but the plan got derailed by unexpected intestinal difficulties.  However, I am (for a change) going to look at the bright side of it all…

1)  I got in several extra trips up the stairs when it was time to get reacquainted with my bathroom.

2)  I drank LOTS of water in alleviating my dehydration.

3)  My calorie intake was reduced by about 500 calories on the day, due to my lack of desire for food.

4)  I’ll actually get to bed at a reasonable hour tonight, and be rested and ready for an active day tomorrow!

What Are My Goals?

1)  To be fit enough to get scuba-certified – I love being underwater, but am currently limited to snorkeling and snuba.  My dream is to night-dive with the mantas off of Kona.

2)  To fit comfortably into my size-10 leather pants – I’ve never worn them!

3)  To be able to buy and fit into Victoria’s Secret underwear – now THERE’s something that is good for one’s self-esteem!

4)  To RUN – not walk, not shuffle, not jog – a 5K, 10K, half, full….  Humanity’s closest thing to flight.

5)  To try surfing – right now, at this size, my balance sucks!

6)  To find something good about myself…  Other than my brain, that is, because that’s become something that benefits others more than myself.

7)  To be happy…

Back To Basics, Back In The Game…

So, yeah, I lost my focus again…  I guess I tried to push it a bit too hard, because I’ve been caught up in a vortex of self-doubt and –deprecation for over a week now.

One of the greatest obstacles I face is a serious case of low self-esteem.  This is an issue that has plagued me since childhood, and is most likely the biggest component of my depressive disorder.  My failure to keep up with the rigorous program I had undertaken sent me into a downward spiral that was tough to get out of.

I now recognize that this has to be my first consideration in my quest for a healthy life – my emotional fitness has to come first, else there is no hope of ever achieving physical fitness (my mental fitness is beyond help, but that’s another story…  )

Anyway, another fitblogger I follow, Fit and Free Emily (http://www.fitandfreeemily.com/), tweeted today that she is starting over on her 100 Day Chip Quest (details here…), and I replied that I would join her.  So, here goes…

My first goal is to let go of guilt over food.  If I should happen to slip up, either deliberately or accidentally, I will not condemn myself, as this tends to send my eating out of control.  Life is not gonna stop if I have an extra bit of chocolate, right?  Why should I let it make me lose sight of what I want to do?

I have started tracking my food again, and will continue to do so…  Not going to worry if I go over my limit, though…  They’re just guidelines anyway, right?

As an adjunct, I’m going to try to be more active every day, and not condemn myself for skipping a workout…  I’m also not going to let the scale rule me – I’ll look at the numbers, but do my best not to let them bother me!

So ends Day 1 of my quest…

My Get-Up-And-Go Got Up And Went Somewhere Without Me…

Today was a nice day – got out of the house, and did some geocaching…  A gorgeous day for a drive through the hills of North Livermore.

Then I got home…  I started thinking about work, and how I really should be doing some, since the client has fewer staff using the systems at night on a weekend.  Did I manage it?  Uh, not even close – I didn’t even manage to get some things done that needed to be done for me.

I have absolutely no energy right now…  I know it’s a symptom of my disease, and I’m under treatment, but sometimes that treatment seems to fall short.  Enthusiasm for life wanes, and I just find I want to veg out on the couch.  Heck, I barely even feel like I have the mental fortitude to write here.

I could just go to bed…  But, I know from experience, that this won’t address the issue – I’ll lie awake for hours when I feel like this, with thoughts of absolutely no consequence rushing through my brain.

I’m working on finding an answer, but it’s a long slow process – I know it’s not going to happen overnight, but, in the meantime, I have to find my way in the dark.  It’s not going to be easy…

Even Fat Girls Get The Blues…

It’s been a rough week…

Warning:  It’s about to get rather gloomy here…

Do you ever feel that maybe your efforts to achieve a goal, whether it’s weight loss, professional development, or even just a clean house, are just not worth it?  I feel that way pretty regularly…

Over the last few days, I’ve been having a really tough time feeling enthusiastic about my efforts to shrink…  I feel like I’m starring in one of those commercials for antidepressants, where they show sad people being droopy…  That’s definitely me right now.

Yeah, they say that a good workout is one of the best antidepressants, but how do I motivate myself to get started?  It’s a vicious circle…

I wish I could find the key to getting out of this mood…  Haven’t been this close to a black hole in some time.  My love and my furry girl are the rocks that I cling to right now.  Fortunately, I’m not one to physically punish myself; I simply sink deep into lethargy.

It hurts, and I want it to stop…  I want to feel better, so that I can get back to the changes in me that I want to see.

Oh, What Have I Done?!?

I am the original 225-pound weakling!

I attempted my first JillianMichaels.com workout tonight.  I’m in such sucky shape that I could barely finish one set of the first circuit!

I’m not surprised…  I have not done any sort of strength training for quite a long time, and I have the muscular fortitude of Jello…

Am I gonna give up, though?

Hell, NO! (she says now…)

I have my first solid goal – to make it through a full circuit!

Short Post For Sunday…

2011-03-27 Stats:  227.6 lbs., waist 46.5, hips 48

So, this is just a quick note for tonight…

I signed up for Jillian Michaels’ online program, thinking that perhaps I will stick with something if it is going to cost me money.

The workouts look to kick my butt bigtime!  Hoping I can make it through the first one, which is scheduled for Tuesday.  I’ll keep you posted…

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly…

OK, so…  Two weeks ago, I took part in my first public “fitness” event.  This was the Run For The Seals, a 2-4 mile fun run/walk on behalf of the Marine Mammal Center in Sausalito, California (http://www.marinemammalcenter.org).  Several friends and I signed up to do the 4-mile course.

I’m going to change things up here, and start off with the “Ugly”…

I’m the second one from the right – not a pretty sight!  Ain’t no way no how that is gonna be seen wearing a bikini on a beach – I’d end up in one of the pens at the Marine Mammal Center!

Now we’ll move on to the bad…  I’ve spent the last couple of weeks in a blue mood – not quite as bad as a black hole, but still not conducive to being enthusiastic about things that will help me get rid of the “ugly”…  Also bad – I finished the four miles in 1:22… not even three miles per hour, and it left me feeling beat.

The good?  I finished!  And I’ve set my sights on the Bay to Breakers in May, so I have something to work towards.  I definitely want to improve my speed – I’d even like to be able to run at least part of it… 

I’ve got some other ideas in my head about how to make positive changes, but more on that tomorrow…

Test

This  is a test.