Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 Reflections–The Last One!

I just finished filling out my #gothedist worksheet for this year – I made my goal by a couple of tenths of a mile – my decision to start walking around the building on a regular basis while at work paid off!  Just ordered both of my “rewards” for the year…  I never cease to amaze myself!

I have to admit – this past year, I counted every bit of walking/running/hiking I did, whether it was intentional or coincidental.  This year, I’m changing that – I’m only counting intentional mileage.  So, if I get up and take a walk around the building while at work for the sake of having a walk, that counts – walking to another department to do my job does not.  I’m also increasing my mileage goal by five miles per week each quarter.  In Q1, I’m shooting for 15 miles per week, then 20 for Q2, and so on.

Wish me perseverance and motivation!

2012 Reflections #3–No Resolutions

This year, I’m not making any of the traditional resolutions.  I’m trying something different this year – I’m actually working through a S.M.A.R.T goals planning program – Specific – Measureable – Attainable – Realistic – Timely.  I plan to blog about my progress here, on a weekly basis – maybe I’ll start SMARTGoals Saturday, huh?

There are a number of things I would like to accomplish over the course of this coming year:

1)  Run 5K without stopping to walk.

2)  Lose 50 pounds.

3)  Remodel my workout room and office (which have simply been storage for the past five years!), and our downstairs bathroom.

4)  Update my professional certifications.

5)  Be a better blogger.

Over the coming days, I’ll be fleshing out the details of these goals, following the S.M.A.R.T. methodology – of course, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to get started on them before my plan is complete; I do have some ideas on how best to get started.

I’m planning to meet up with some friends tonight, to say farewell to 2012 with a labyrinth walk, and setting my intentions for 2013:

I will relinquish my fears – they no longer serve me.  Instead, I will face each moment with the courage I know lies within me.

I will relinquish blame – it no longer serves me.  I will practice forgiveness of myself and of others.

I will relinquish doubt – it no longer serves me.  I am strong and confident.

I will relinquish shame – it no longer serves me.  I accept myself as I am.

Let the past rest in peace – it cannot be changed.

Let the future take care of itself – what will be, will be.

Live in the moment, and find bliss.

I share these blessings with those who wish to accept them.  May 2013 be your best year.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

2012 Reflections #2–The Good, The Bad, And The Downright Ugly

I think I’ll do this backwards…

The Downright Ugly Sad smile

Probably the biggest thing that was ugly about the past year for me was my work environment for the first part of the year – and the effects that it was having on the other areas of my life.  I was extremely unhappy because I felt that I wasn’t being treated fairly and that I was basically at a dead-end with my employer at the time – no opportunities for advancement, and constantly having to take the fall for and clean up after messes that were not entirely of my making.  While I realize that I was indeed a part of the problem, I couldn’t at that time accept that I appeared to be the only one taking the blame.  I fell deeply into the black pit of depression, stopped caring about my work ethic, my health and well-being, and the things that made me happy.  In fact, it got so bad that I nearly blew my career right to hell.  Fortunately, life circumstances took me out of the situation before permanent damage was done – more on that in a later section of this post.

With regard to my fitness, I’m also ending the year on an ugly note – the number on the scale is higher than it was at the start of the year, and my clothing is now a fair bit more snug that it was 12 months ago.  I’m trying to learn not to place value on these things as much as I do, but it’s difficult to undo 50 years’ worth of indoctrination that one’s worth is inversely proportional to the size of one’s butt and gut.

The Bad Eye rolling smile

I still can’t run for more than a minute at a time.

My eating habits, activity consistency, motivation, and self-acceptance are still mediocre, at best.

I tried hypnosis for weight loss…  Embarrassed smile

I didn’t get any work done on the house.

I didn’t progress with any professional education or certification.

I didn’t have the Hawaii 5-0 I was dreaming of.  Crying face

Now, On The Other Hand…

The Good!  Hot smile

I got an awesome job that I absolutely love!  My career goals have been enhanced and renewed, and I’m looking forward to building my skills and knowledge in the coming year.

I’m registered for several running events in the new year, including a New Year’s Day virtual 5K.

I’m at peace with my decision to remove my mother and sister from my life.

I’m happier than I’ve EVER been.

On rare occasions, I’m blissful in the moment.

I have a New Year’s blessing that I want to share tomorrow…

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

2012 Reflections #1

Now that Christmas is over, I was thinking of running a series of short posts reflecting on what I’ve accomplished this past year, and what I’ve come up short on, what I’ve done right, and where there is/was room for improvement.

Problem is, I came home from work with a queasy stomach and a pounding head – not conducive to my thought process.  I’m finally starting to feel a bit better, so hopefully, tomorrow is a better day.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Starting Something New

Today I started something new – I downloaded a little program to my work computer that lets me set any number of countdown timers, and created two of them, to start with.

First, I created one that will remind me to drink some water every hour, since I often get caught up in my work and forget.

The second goes off every two hours, and tells me to take a walk.  If I’m not on a call or critical issue, I’ll do just that – since today was a beautiful day, I went out and walked around the hospital.  I got in a nice ten-minute brisk walk, and soaked up some nice vitamin D in the bargain.  When the alarm next went off, though, I was tied up with a software vendor that is setting up a new system.  Surprisingly, I was actually disappointed that I had to miss my little stroll!

I’m actually looking forward to seeing that little message pop up on my screen tomorrow, telling me to stand up and back away from the keyboard for a bit!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Out With The Old….

So, some time back (September, at Fitbloggin’, actually), I began to realize that this journal was not focused where it really needed to be, and I began to talk about making some changes to it.  I really think I was sending myself the wrong message – one that was reinforcing my self-loathing by pointing up the differences between the way I look and the way society thinks we should all look.

Well, I’ve finally started the makeover, with an entirely cosmetic facelift.  I’m striving now for simplicity and clarity, in the hopes that these characteristics might carry over to my way of thinking about weight loss.  The pretty pictures of palm trees won’t help me realize that it’s not about looking good to impress others – it’s about learning to be comfortable in my own skin whether it’s at my current weight or any other.  It’s about being aware and mindful of what I put into my body, and why.

Without self-acceptance, I can start over a thousand times, and not realize more than temporary success.

Please, if you’re still with me, be patient.  I think I’ve finally crashed and burned, and I’m ready to rise from the ashes.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

The Bucket List #1

Visit Scotland, see my castle

Dive at night with the mantas off of Kona on the big island of Hawaii

Run the San Fran Women’s Nike

Write a novel

Write a book to help people like me

Monday, September 24, 2012

My First Fitbloggin’ Chapter 1

Well, my first Fitbloggin’ has come and gone, and I’ve got soooo many thoughts coming through right now that it’s difficult to decide where to start… Maybe I should start at the beginning….

I landed in Baltimore after a flight that was uneventful, and would have been on time if not for a fuel truck blocking the access to our gate.  Fortunately, it appears that Baltimore has the fastest baggage claim on the planet, as my suitcase was already on the carousel when I got to it.  I then rushed off to find the closest check-in desk for the shuttle, but, when I got there, nobody was in attendance, and the kiosk needed a reboot.

The next desk was all the way down at the far end of the (very long) baggage claim area, so I got my very first workout of the trip trying to get down there in time to catch the shuttle so that I could get to the McCormick tour.  I became ever more doubtful, as they told me that my shuttle would be there in 30 minutes or less.

Finally, they called for the bus.  I got on with another woman, who, as it turned out was Kia, aka @bodhi_bear.  She set the tone for my entire weekend, with her friendly and welcoming attitude, and her successful efforts to contact the McCormick folks to ensure we both made the tour.

Thanks to Kia, I began to feel that I just might be able to feel comfortable with so many new people, which is a rarity for me.

Well, time to call it a night, so that I can actually make it to the office tomorrow…  Stay tuned!

Friday, September 21, 2012

An Apology To All My New Fitbloggin’ Friends

Hello, new (and even old) friends…  My name is Sue, and I’m a crappy blogger.  It’s been two weeks since my last post…  And that post promised a bunch more posts that never came.

In the coming weeks, there are some serious changes I’ll be making.  For one thing, the palm trees are going away… 

The facelift won’t be starting until I get home from Fitbloggin’, though…  So give me a bit o’ breathin’ room, ‘k?

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Go Big AND Go Home…

I’ve always been one of those “all or nothing” people – if I couldn’t do it perfectly, then it wasn’t worth doing.  This has proved to be my downfall in many aspects of my life, including my quest for a healthier body and lifestyle.

Every time I’ve been motivated to get started on changing my habits, I have given up at the first slip-up.  I think that goes back to having grown up constantly hearing that I’d never amount to anything or succeed at anything, but that’s an entry for another time.  At any rate, my quest for perfection has derailed my healthy goals time and time again (as anyone who’s read my past entries here knows).

To that end, I’m going to try to learn a different attitude – I can choose to make good choices, or I can choose not to.  From here on out, there is no failure; there are only options, some OK and some better.  Each day that I make at least one good choice is a successful day.

For instance, today, I chose to eat fresh fruit, cherry tomatoes, and a Greek yogurt as snacks during my workday, instead of going to the cafeteria for a bagel or some chips.  I chose to get on the treadmill instead of vegging out on the couch.  I chose to write this blog entry instead of surfing mindless websites.  On the negative side, hubby and I chowed on a whole Hillshire Farms kielbasa and Bush’s Baked Beans for supper tonight.  Still, more better choices, so today is a win.  It will help me to keep in mind that there are no bad choices, no bad days, no possible chance of failure.

Let’s call this #7daychip attempt #267…  I’m off to a great start!

Monday, September 3, 2012

But Seriously…

OK, it’s already September, and I haven’t made a whole lot of progress with my weight loss…  I have, however, made great strides in my mental and emotional well-being, so life has not been completely wasted this past nine months…

I’m really in a place where I think I might actually be able to start being really happy just being me – regardless of what that me looks like at any given time.  Maybe, just maybe, with that sort of attitude, I will be able to see exercise as a way to reward my body for the good things it can do, instead of a chore.

I’m the type of person that will procrastinate on chores any way I can, regardless of whether it’s cleaning the house or moving my body in some fashion.  Sometimes, even typing out a blog entry feels like a chore, which is why I don’t do it as often as I’d like.  For instance, I started this post two days ago!

OK, I guess I need to go listen to my hypnotherapy session on “Turning Procrastination Into Motivation”…

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Here I Go Again…

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve really lost sight of my goals.  I’ve been using the excuse of a sick husband to justify my poor choices, and, even though he’s been pretty much back to normal for the last week or so, I’ve continued to let myself walk all over myself.

That stops today.

As of now, I’m back to logging my food, tracking my water, getting some exercise at least five times a week, and doing my hypno and meditation on a daily basis.  I’m also putting a different spin on things (yet again!), based on a concept I picked up at work.

For the past month and a half, I’ve been working in the IT department of a major hospital in the Bay Area.  For the first time, I’ve been exposed to the security requirements of HIPAA – the governmental regulations regarding the protection of patient health information and privacy.  The IT team even has a team that is solely dedicated to security, in order to ensure compliance with respect to all of our computer systems.  Part of my job is to resolve any issues that come up in that area.

One aspect of this plan is the concept of a “focus vulnerability”.  This is where a single software or hardware component has been identified as having the potential to be a serious risk to information security.  We then focus on that component to ensure it meets all standards in order to minimize that potential.  Once it’s been addressed and proven stable, the next likely risk is identified, and the cycle starts again.  Of course, we also continue to focus on other aspects of information security, such as making sure antivirus and security patches are as up-to-date as possible.

I plan to approach my move toward a healthy lifestyle using this methodology.  To that end, I believe that my sleep patterns are a big factor in my failure to achieve success.  I don’t sleep enough, and my sleep schedule is extremely inconsistent.  Therefore, I feel tired for the full day.

For instance, my husband and I were up until 3 am last night.  No, we weren’t out partying – we picked up a new aquarium yesterday, and it took that long after supper to get an area cleared for it and get it set up to where the live plants could go in.  We ended up not getting out of bed until 2 pm today.

This sort of sleep habit sure makes it difficult come Monday morning, when I have to get up at 5:15 am for work, too.  And even though I’m up that early during the week, I still procrastinate going to bed at night until midnight or 1 am.  I know that this is not a healthy way of life, and I’m feeling the negative results.

I’ve decided to make my sleeping habits my current focus vulnerability.  I’m going to start “patching” my sleep habits.  When I have to work the next morning, I’m going to go to bed at 10 pm.  Initially, I’ll allow myself to read for up to an hour, followed by a hypno session.  I’ll gradually reduce the amount of reading time to ten minutes, as I become more accustomed to going to sleep earlier.  On weekend nights when I don’t have an early event, I’ll set my bedtime for 11 pm.

Of course, there may be occasions when it just won’t be possible to adhere to this plan – I expect, for instance, to be having some late evenings at Fitbloggin’, getting to know in person some of the folks I’ve been sharing with online.  I’m not going to beat myself up over it when there is a valid reason for it, but I also need to learn that getting caught up in a movie or TV show is not a valid reason.

As with our information security program at work, my own healthy living efforts will also continue in other areas, too.

I’ll keep you posted on the results.

Monday, July 16, 2012

The Plague Strikes

I know I promised you all a video…  Unfortunately, my most beloved hubby has come down sick, so I’ve got some other things on my mind instead of being creative.

In the meantime, I’d like to mention our dinner out the other night.  We went to Applebee’s for the first time in quite some time, and I have to say that I was rather impressed.  Not only does their menu now offer a selection of Weight Watchers-friendly items, but they also clearly identify their lower-calorie options, with a special section listing items that are 550 calories or less – and the food is good!

I enjoyed a roasted garlic-marinated sirloin, with herb-steamed red-skinned potatoes and a really tasty stuffed portabella mushroom, topped with a creamed spinach that was mostly freshly wilted spinach topped with a quality parmesan cheese.

The steak, although a thinner cut, was tender and flavorful.  The potatoes were delicately flavored and quite enjoyable.  The mushroom was nicely done, and the spinach still had a bit of crispiness and loads of flavor.

Portion sizes were just enough to hit the spot, costing me just 450 calories all inclusive.  I felt that the meal was definitely worth the price tag, too.  My only issue was (as always) the amount of sodium in the meal – nearly a full days’ allotment for one person.

I will certainly consider a return visit – and would be even more likely to do so if the sodium content were to be reduced.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Such A Blast!!

Today’s running event, while not quite a full 5K, was a total blast!

As I type this, the video is downloading from my camera, so that I can build a montage of the experience.  The Color Run is so much more than a running event; that’s the best word for it – an experience.

If you have an opportunity to participate in one of these, I highly recommend it.  You can find out where they are taking place at  If one is not offered near you, then start asking for one – that’s how they decide where to add them!

This is not an event for the sake of competition – it’s about having fun, and bringing your “inner child” back to life.  It’s about pure joy!

I hope to have the video ready for tomorrow’s post…

Friday, July 13, 2012

Just A Quickie…

Forgive me for being so brief this evening – I’ll reward you with some awesome video tomorrow night.  I have to head out at about five am tomorrow morning, for a very cool 5K in San Francisco.  I’m actually going to go to bed early tonight, although I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep for the excitement.

I’ve been waiting for this one for a while!  Be sure and check back tomorrow for a full recap.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Habits I Need To Get Back Into, Episode 1

I’ve really slacked off on menu planning while I was on hiatus, and I need to get back to doing it as quickly as possible.

Over the past few months, there have been far too many impulse buys on my shopping trips, as well as a plethora of sins when dining out and ordering in.  I’ve also been slacking on cooking healthy meals, and the results have not been pleasant.

It’s been a while, so I guess I need to start by taking a new fridge and freezer inventory, then figure out what we’re eating for the next week.  From there, I can build a shopping list for tomorrow’s after-work stops.

What’s your process for keeping dietary indulgences at bay?

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Middle Age And An Aging Middle

OK, it’s been far too long since I’ve been here.

Life’s had some major ups and downs – my job was burying me inside my black hole until I got a different one.  However, that most awesome event caused me to go crazy in the other direction – I was so ecstatic that I sort of decided (without really deciding) that I deserved to celebrate every day.  I really really LOVE the new gig, and am now getting settled in, and settled down.  I get to do so many interesting things!

It’s a good thing that I’m coming back to earth – I’m heading for a major milestone bigthday in just 30 days.  I am doing my best to avoid letting that little event – what is often considered the entry into “middle age” – send me into another tailspin.  It’s far too close to being old to suit me.

To that end, I’m really doing everything I can to focus on getting rid of my aging middle!  In the next 30 days, I’m promising myself that I will lose at least five pounds.  That strikes me as a good achievable goal that will encourage me to keep on going when I achieve it (notice – I said “when” instead of “if”!).

I’m also going to shoot for 30 blog entries in that time – I really really need to get back in this habit, as it helps me to really see things clearly, even if I’m the only one that ever reads these thoughts.  Also, I need to get my blogger vibe back before Fitbloggin’ in September, right?

I’ve just realized – I guess I need to revamp my point of view here.  I missed the booking window for my Hawaii 5-0, but have scheduled the trip for the second half of April.  Not a bad thing, as I’m nowhere near bikini-ready.  With the trip pushed out to April, I still have hopes of being able to wear a non-fat-lady swimsuit, at least.  OK – I can either write an entry or work on reworking the site each day.  That seems like a reasonable plan.

So – there’s the goal:  5 pounds and 30 days of blog updates.  Very doable, right?  Now – to figure out a good reward/birthday present for myself!  I’m open to suggestions…

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Back To Square, Er, DAY, One

It’s amazing how quickly the pounds can come back when you lose sight of your goals.

Wait – no, it isn’t, really…  That’s what got me here in the first place.

Monday was the last day of our cleanse, and hubs and I were both craving meat.  We had decided some time back that, on Tuesday, we would hit one of our favorite local restaurants for their truly awesome tri-tip sandwiches.  Since I had also mentioned that I wanted to see The Hunger Games, so we decided to make it something of a date night, in light of the fact that we didn’t have to get up at 4 am the next morning to drive to Oakland for work.  We could actually sleep in until 5:30.

Tuesday ended up being quite a nice evening for the both of us.  We enjoyed the dinner and the movie – including the fried onion rings and pear cider that ended up joining in on dinner, and the popcorn and Icee that ended up being our double dates for the movie.

The rest of the past week has featured more of the same – too much indulging in less-than-healthy foods and little or no purposeful physical activity.  I think I managed to backslide about half of the progress I made during the cleanse.

Part of it, I’m sure, is that I had been letting myself slack off while doing the cleanse, with respect to my self-defined healthy checks:


Meditation, exercise, and hypnotherapy can have multiple smilies.  I want at least one each on mediation and exercise, and at least two for hypnotherapy.  In order to achieve a successful day, I need to have a total of eight smilies.  If I miss on some point or other, I need to make it up with extra meditation, exercise, or hypnotherapy (or a combination).

I also need to be honest with myself regarding what constitutes healthy and unhealthy or uncontrolled eating.  Indulgences are OK, as long as they are controlled, measured, and in moderation – I don’t believe in making any food off limits, but it is necessary for me to realize I can’t just have them at my whim, nor can they be a reward for anything related to my goals.

For every seven days that I manage to achieve eight or more smilies, I will allow myself to have some “pleasure” reading – that which has no particular value to my mental, physical, emotional well-being, and is not meant to improve my career-related knowledge.

Every time I reduce my weight by 10%, I will treat myself to a massage.  My first logged weight on My Fitness Pal was 222.8, entered on June 4th, 2011.  I’ll use that as my starting point, so that means I can go for a massage when I reach 200.5 pounds.  A week ago, I was less than a pound away from that – today, the difference is 10!

I’ve also got in mind three special milestones that will net some more significant rewards – reaching ONE-derland, halfway to goal, and reaching goal.  I need to sit down and make myself a wish list, though, before I can really say what the rewards for these will be – I also need to define some rewards for my #gothedist2012 goals, and for my running goals.

Finally, I’m going to set myself one more goal – to try to post and share here at least three times per week.  Each week that I post at least three entries will result in some new music to listen to while I’m walking, hitting the treadmill, or sweating it out at the gym.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Staring Down The Gates Of One-derland

For the last three weeks (well, just short of…), I’ve been doing a dietary cleanse, eating only whole fresh or frozen fruits and vegetables, vegetable oils, and protein shakes.

Thus far, I’ve lost fifteen pounds – and I’m within four pounds of finally dropping below 200 pounds, for the first time in years.  However, I’ve been stuck at the same number for the past couple of days.

I have one more days, counting today, of being on this restricted eating plan (which is a good thing, as I’m getting grumpy without eating meat or grain!).  If I manage to achieve this milestone when I weigh in Tuesday morning, I’ll treat myself to a massage!

What do you like to reward yourself with when you reach a significant milestone, and what would you consider to be such a milestone?

Sunday, April 8, 2012

I’ve Been Away (Again…) – Part 2

So, yeah, you might say I got lost between March 21st and today…  Here, at last, is the Part 2 follow-up to my last post.



My husband and I had a very nice weekend away, completely unplugged – there is no cell signal in and around Yosemite, and internet service at the hotels is outrageously priced.  I had a laptop with me, but only for the purpose of loading geocaches onto my GPS.

We arrived at the hotel just ahead of the rain, but got soaked going to get dinner.  Still, the view off of the deck was pretty spectacular.  There was a spa in the room, and a fireplace, so we had a nice relaxing evening.


The next morning, we slept late enough that we missed breakfast, so we made a brunch of fresh veggies (with a tasty red pepper hummus) and some smoked sausage and crackers.  After our repast, we loaded ourselves and the pup into the vehicle, to head into Yosemite National Park.

With the weather at hand, we didn’t get to really see any of the famous landmarks – the clouds were low and full of snow.  Since the gas station in El Portal was shut down, we decided to head up to Crane Flat, where the next nearest station was.


The drive was quite nice, as we were surrounded by absolutely untouched pristine white snow.  When we arrived at the station, we were amazed to see so much untouched whiteness.


Harley the Wonder-Collie thoroughly enjoyed getting out to check out the falling white stuff.  Unfortunately, since we were in the National Park, she was not able to go off-leash (although there was a fenced area next to the hotel that she thoroughly enjoyed).


Sadly, our tour of the Valley didn’t last long, as it was very wet and too slushy to get out for any hiking, and the tops of the cliffs were obscured by thick clouds, but we did get to see a lovely little waterfall on our way back down to the hotel.


When we awoke the next morning, this was the view off of our balcony at the hotel:

New Snow

We drove home that day, much more relaxed than we had been in several months.  It was a wonderful cleanse for my spirit, and allowed me to be ready to get back on track toward my goals.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I’ve Been Away (Again…) – Part 1


For the last while (not sure how long, as it snuck up on me), I’ve been sliding in and out of a funk, in a slow downward spiral into the darkness where all I want to do is sleep.  Every time I started to think that I was ready to get back on track, I found that I was mistaken.  I even went without meditation and hypnotherapy sessions – it seems I was truly determined to self-sabotage this time.

Fortunately, a planned weekend away arrived just in the nick of time, and I feel I’m finally starting to come out of the hole again.  It took a change of scenery and a change in appearance, but something seems to be working…  I’m also going through some dietary changes; going (mostly) veg, with whey protein shakes to help keep things balanced, for the next three weeks.  It’s going to be interesting…  Sarcastic smile

Tomorrow, I’ll share some pictures from our weekend holiday – stay tuned!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Me Vs. The CPAP

Yup, just after 2 am is a really strange time for me to be writing a blog entry…

Well, here’s the story…

Back in November, I had a sleep study, and was diagnosed with mild-to-moderate sleep apnea.  The specialist decided I should go back for another, to see how I did with a CPAP machine.

I didn’t.

My body reacted to having air forced up the nostrils by stopping breathing – the gag reflex kicked in, and all the air that was going into my nose came right back out of my mouth.  They even tried two different masks – the first was at least semi-comfortable; the second was downright painful.  I thought my nose was being yanked off.

I also tensed up to the point where my jaws were clenched – not at all conducive to a restful night!  In fact, I came home from the aborted study more awake than when I left to go to the sleep center (and that’s why I’m still up!).

The tech at the center suggested having the doc prescribe a sleeping pill, and coming back to try again – it would relax me to the point where my body wouldn’t fight the machine.  Well, that’s all well and good for the test, but what about the subsequent weeks or months it will take to get to where I would actually be able to sleep with the damn thing on?  I don’t need to be dropping a sleeping pill every night!

I think I’ll tell the doc at the follow-up that I will just stick with my meditation and my hypnotherapy – they seem to be helping me sleep just fine, thank you very much!

I think I’ll go up to bed with a book until I can relax and fall asleep – for real this time!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I Owe You (And Myself) A Blog Entry

It’s time I caught up with myself, so that you can, too.

Probably the biggest thing to note is that I started a hypnotherapy program a week ago.  So far, it seems to be working – I’m sleeping better, and starting to make better food choices automatically.  It’s actually very relaxing, too – in fact, I will probably purchase my own light-and-sound machine at some point.  There are a number of programs available beyond the weight loss program I signed up for – I do believe there is a good value there.  I’m looking forward to seeing this evolve over the next nine months, and I’m feeling very positive.

As part of my program, I have a number of “inch-loss body wraps” included (and a 21-day cleanse that I will start in my third week).  I did my first body wrap yesterday, and found it actually very pleasant – not what I expected from being slathered in a lotion that smells like Red-Hot cinnamon candies and turned into a plastic-wrap mummy.  I also got to sit in an infrared sauna as part of the treatment (it worked much better than the one that I experienced at my visit to Spa Dhara recently) – I was thoroughly sweated after just 20 minutes.

The body wrap took nearly five inches off of me, too!  And I did a nice hypnosis session while I was wrapped.  I get to do at least three more of these, too!

I finally started up on #7daychip again too, and made it for 22 days this time.  I’m not sure why, but I had a down day on Monday, and just ate stupid.  I started over again on Tuesday, and am feeling pretty good just now, although it’s early in the game.

My objective this week is to start working out more consistently, and I had a hypnosis session customized to that purpose yesterday.

My big achievement for the week was my first-ever successful shoulder stand at yoga class last night – that felt awesome!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Another Fork In The Road

I’ve realized now that I’ve got to change my way of thinking in order to be successful at weight loss and healthy living, and I’ve been trying to do it on my own for a couple of months now.  So far, my results have been minimal, at best.

To that end, I’m trying out a different route, starting this Wednesday.

I’ll let you all know how it feels after the first go-round.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Simple Pleasures

I have dirt under my fingernails, and I feel good.

I spent the last hour planting tulip bulbs into our newly-created flower bed.  It’s a lovely sunny early-spring day here in Northern California; not too warm but not cold, either (although that will change in the early morning hours).  There is nothing so relaxing as digging in the dirt, knowing that you’ll be rewarded with beautiful flowers in a few weeks.

Why is it so easy to put the effort into something that may take months to give results, when I’m so impatient when I don’t see results of my efforts to live healthy?  I still have a long way to go in developing patience for the results of working out and eating right to manifest.  I find it far to easy to give up, and to give in to temptation.

I guess I need to look at myself the same way I do the tulip bulbs – in time, with careful nurturing, I will start to see beautiful results.

Monday, January 23, 2012

I Love This Quote #1

I don't want my pain erased. As wretched as it is, I need my pain. It makes me who I am.

- From the January 22nd, 2012, episode of “Once Upon A Time”

Sunday, January 22, 2012

A Different Kind Of Cleanse…

So far, 2012 has not been kind.  On the 4th of January, I was involved in a car accident that left me sore and stressed over the possibly permanent loss of our primary commuter car.  It was over a week later that we finally found out that the at-fault insurance company was going to cover the repairs instead of having it written off.

The following Monday, I went in for my first-ever colonoscopy – oh, joy of joys!  For those that have experienced this, you know what I mean, and for those that have not; the prep is WAY worse than the procedure itself.  Anyway, the pure liquid diet required for the day preceding the procedure threw my eating plans out of whack, and I was totally starving afterward, and went off the deep end trying to make up for it.

Then, on the 16th, I went in to have a tooth extracted – this sort of limited my dining options for a few days, and, again, my brain took over, and told me I needed to make up for it by eating not-so-well for the next week.

Finally, my husband’s birthday was this week, so we went out for dinner – once again, the dining choice was less than optimal.

Of course, there was also a significant amount of stress involved in these events – I’m sure that this fueled the fire of my lack of food control.  I’ve identified that I am prone to unhealthy eating as a ‘reward’ for the unhappy events in my life.

Anyway, a couple of months ago, I made plans to attend a geocaching event over in Reno.  The event was held this last Saturday night, and was quite enjoyable.  We headed out Friday morning, having taken the day off work, and got to our hotel at about 3 pm.  We spent that evening just vegging out and relaxing.  Saturday, before the event, we took Harley out to a dog park so that she could get in some off-leash time.  She didn’t seem too interested, so we decided to try for a couple of nearby geocaches.  This didn’t last too long, though, as it was quite cold and windy in advance of the arrival of the first significant winter storm of the year.  Still, it was a nice afternoon – we didn’t have anything scheduled or planned, and we just played it by ear.  I went to the event that evening, and sampled many tasty dishes at the event, which was a potluck, without worrying about the results.  Sunday morning, we slept as late as checkout time allowed, and made it over the Donner Summit just in time to beat the chain controls.

All in all, it was a quite enjoyable weekend, and I now realize that this is the first REAL vacation that we’ve taken since our first anniversary – every trip since then has involved either work or parents (which are typically NOT real vacations, right?).  We’ve taken lazy weekends at home from time to time, but being at home always raises that thought that there is something that needs doing, particularly when you’re in the process of remodeling.  It was really good to get away from everything, including the house, for a little while, even if just for a couple of days

I finished off the weekend with a really nice session with my Sunday ladies’ meditation group, and then a nice soak in the bath.  At this point, I’m feeling more relaxed, happy, and positive than I have since New Years’ Day.

I have now realized the importance of REAL downtime – where you’re not looking around worrying about what you SHOULD be doing.  Being in an environment where you don’t HAVE to do anything is truly cleansing – good for my emotional and mental health, and, in the long run, for my physical health.  I’m going to do my best to ensure this happens more often than every five years.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

2012–Looking Back At Week 1

I started the new year with high hopes, and the seeds of my plan for healthy changes.  The first three days went beautifully – I was quite happy with them.

On Wednesday and Thursday, I fell off the wagon after a car accident.  Thursday was also the day that the gastroenterologist set me up for my first-ever colonoscopy (oh, yay, right?).  I would get to spend half of my weekend on a clear-liquid-only diet.  My brain told me a better stock up on a few (OK, maybe more than a few) extra calories, so I went a bit nuts from Thursday and Friday.

Surprisingly, though, what I’m thinking most frequently right now is that I can’t wait to get back on track with eating and working out.  Just a year ago, this all would have become nothing more than an excuse to go on a binge until the first of the next month.  Not this time, though – I am more than ready to return to my commitment to me.

All in all, I am feeling pretty good about things right now, despite the setbacks.  I’m not letting myself be overwhelmed – I am making progress!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Best-Laid Plans…

I was really looking forward to a good walk with the pup this evening, and then some yoga, and a #5kin100days session tomorrow…

Then I got rear-ended on the way home from work.  At least the car appears driveable (I was able to make it home after dealing with CHP and the requisite information swap), but I am making some rather disconcerting crunching noises now.  I’m going to hit Urgent Care in the morning, after another previously-scheduled medical appointement.

I’ve been a passenger in a vehicle that was hit from behind – the next day AIN’T fun.  And this guy hit me pretty hard…

2012-01-04_16-43-00_720   My car…

And his…2012-01-04_16-43-09_762





Anyway, my workout plans are now tabled until I find out why I’m sounding like Rice Crispies…

Sunday, January 1, 2012

I Love Haiku, Episode 2

I will not be stopped

By the challenges I’ll meet.

I will win this time!

So…  Where do I want to end up on this journey?  What are my goals?

Well, for starters, I’ve come to realize that my goals need to encompass every aspect of my life – mind, body, and spirit.  Up until recently, I’ve only been focusing on one of those parts.  This time out, my goal is to be healthy in all three of them.

How will I get there?  I do have a framework for my plan that I’m sure I’ll be fleshing out over the next while, as I find out what works, and what doesn’t.

I have recently begun to understand that I must start to build my spiritual and mental health in order to be successful in gaining physical health.  To that end, I plan to meditate for at least five minutes each day, and incorporate some sort of spiritual reading into my daily routine.  I meditated for the first time two weeks before Christmas, and again the following Sunday, and started including a few minutes every day – not a very long time, but I’m already seeing some significant positive changes in my outlook on life and my attitude toward myself and others.  I’m much less stressed (even my husband agrees!), and more at peace with myself and my world than I have been since I don’t know when.  I’m finally learning that I don’t need the approval of anyone, including myself, to find happiness – I only have to look inward to find it.

Now – on to the physical aspect of health, and my plan to get there…  As of today, I have 80 pounds to lose.  I’d like to get there by the end of this year, but I’m not a failure if I don’t.  As long as I am at a lower weight than I am today when the calendar turns again, I’ll be OK.  “Fail” is a four-letter word from here on out!

I’m coming back to my Twitter communities, too – #7daychip and #5kin100days (thanks, Brad Gansberg!) and #gothedist (thanks, Fat Girl vs. World!).  I’m also logging my food on MyFitnessPal religiously, keeping up with the training plans on my Fitbit program, and sharing my workouts and meditation sessions via DailyMile and Insight Connect.

OK, enough psychobabble for tonight – more to come tomorrow!

…And In With The New!

Well, hello, 2012, it’s great to see you!  I think I’ve been waiting for you for a long time… Or maybe I’ve just been waiting for me to be ready to welcome you with the right attitude!

Today I will take the time to set down my goals for our time together, and build a plan for reaching those goals – I’ll be sharing those goals and plan with my friends in the blogosphere later today.

I know that there will be days when my confidence and determination will be tested, and I know that I’m also part of several great and truly supportive communities that I can count on for empathy and encouragement to help me get through the tough times.  For these good friends, I am ever thankful.

I’m learning to let go of thoughts and ideas that can impede or interrupt the journey I’m on, to find new ways to minimize the potential obstacles – I’m no longer searching for my “happy place” outside of myself, because I know I’m already there, if I just look inward and find the center.

2012, I know that you’re going to be my best year yet!