Monday, December 31, 2012

2012 Reflections–The Last One!

I just finished filling out my #gothedist worksheet for this year – I made my goal by a couple of tenths of a mile – my decision to start walking around the building on a regular basis while at work paid off!  Just ordered both of my “rewards” for the year…  I never cease to amaze myself!

I have to admit – this past year, I counted every bit of walking/running/hiking I did, whether it was intentional or coincidental.  This year, I’m changing that – I’m only counting intentional mileage.  So, if I get up and take a walk around the building while at work for the sake of having a walk, that counts – walking to another department to do my job does not.  I’m also increasing my mileage goal by five miles per week each quarter.  In Q1, I’m shooting for 15 miles per week, then 20 for Q2, and so on.

Wish me perseverance and motivation!

2012 Reflections #3–No Resolutions

This year, I’m not making any of the traditional resolutions.  I’m trying something different this year – I’m actually working through a S.M.A.R.T goals planning program – Specific – Measureable – Attainable – Realistic – Timely.  I plan to blog about my progress here, on a weekly basis – maybe I’ll start SMARTGoals Saturday, huh?

There are a number of things I would like to accomplish over the course of this coming year:

1)  Run 5K without stopping to walk.

2)  Lose 50 pounds.

3)  Remodel my workout room and office (which have simply been storage for the past five years!), and our downstairs bathroom.

4)  Update my professional certifications.

5)  Be a better blogger.

Over the coming days, I’ll be fleshing out the details of these goals, following the S.M.A.R.T. methodology – of course, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to get started on them before my plan is complete; I do have some ideas on how best to get started.

I’m planning to meet up with some friends tonight, to say farewell to 2012 with a labyrinth walk, and setting my intentions for 2013:

I will relinquish my fears – they no longer serve me.  Instead, I will face each moment with the courage I know lies within me.

I will relinquish blame – it no longer serves me.  I will practice forgiveness of myself and of others.

I will relinquish doubt – it no longer serves me.  I am strong and confident.

I will relinquish shame – it no longer serves me.  I accept myself as I am.

Let the past rest in peace – it cannot be changed.

Let the future take care of itself – what will be, will be.

Live in the moment, and find bliss.

I share these blessings with those who wish to accept them.  May 2013 be your best year.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

2012 Reflections #2–The Good, The Bad, And The Downright Ugly

I think I’ll do this backwards…

The Downright Ugly Sad smile

Probably the biggest thing that was ugly about the past year for me was my work environment for the first part of the year – and the effects that it was having on the other areas of my life.  I was extremely unhappy because I felt that I wasn’t being treated fairly and that I was basically at a dead-end with my employer at the time – no opportunities for advancement, and constantly having to take the fall for and clean up after messes that were not entirely of my making.  While I realize that I was indeed a part of the problem, I couldn’t at that time accept that I appeared to be the only one taking the blame.  I fell deeply into the black pit of depression, stopped caring about my work ethic, my health and well-being, and the things that made me happy.  In fact, it got so bad that I nearly blew my career right to hell.  Fortunately, life circumstances took me out of the situation before permanent damage was done – more on that in a later section of this post.

With regard to my fitness, I’m also ending the year on an ugly note – the number on the scale is higher than it was at the start of the year, and my clothing is now a fair bit more snug that it was 12 months ago.  I’m trying to learn not to place value on these things as much as I do, but it’s difficult to undo 50 years’ worth of indoctrination that one’s worth is inversely proportional to the size of one’s butt and gut.

The Bad Eye rolling smile

I still can’t run for more than a minute at a time.

My eating habits, activity consistency, motivation, and self-acceptance are still mediocre, at best.

I tried hypnosis for weight loss…  Embarrassed smile

I didn’t get any work done on the house.

I didn’t progress with any professional education or certification.

I didn’t have the Hawaii 5-0 I was dreaming of.  Crying face

Now, On The Other Hand…

The Good!  Hot smile

I got an awesome job that I absolutely love!  My career goals have been enhanced and renewed, and I’m looking forward to building my skills and knowledge in the coming year.

I’m registered for several running events in the new year, including a New Year’s Day virtual 5K.

I’m at peace with my decision to remove my mother and sister from my life.

I’m happier than I’ve EVER been.

On rare occasions, I’m blissful in the moment.

I have a New Year’s blessing that I want to share tomorrow…

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

2012 Reflections #1

Now that Christmas is over, I was thinking of running a series of short posts reflecting on what I’ve accomplished this past year, and what I’ve come up short on, what I’ve done right, and where there is/was room for improvement.

Problem is, I came home from work with a queasy stomach and a pounding head – not conducive to my thought process.  I’m finally starting to feel a bit better, so hopefully, tomorrow is a better day.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Starting Something New

Today I started something new – I downloaded a little program to my work computer that lets me set any number of countdown timers, and created two of them, to start with.

First, I created one that will remind me to drink some water every hour, since I often get caught up in my work and forget.

The second goes off every two hours, and tells me to take a walk.  If I’m not on a call or critical issue, I’ll do just that – since today was a beautiful day, I went out and walked around the hospital.  I got in a nice ten-minute brisk walk, and soaked up some nice vitamin D in the bargain.  When the alarm next went off, though, I was tied up with a software vendor that is setting up a new system.  Surprisingly, I was actually disappointed that I had to miss my little stroll!

I’m actually looking forward to seeing that little message pop up on my screen tomorrow, telling me to stand up and back away from the keyboard for a bit!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Out With The Old….

So, some time back (September, at Fitbloggin’, actually), I began to realize that this journal was not focused where it really needed to be, and I began to talk about making some changes to it.  I really think I was sending myself the wrong message – one that was reinforcing my self-loathing by pointing up the differences between the way I look and the way society thinks we should all look.

Well, I’ve finally started the makeover, with an entirely cosmetic facelift.  I’m striving now for simplicity and clarity, in the hopes that these characteristics might carry over to my way of thinking about weight loss.  The pretty pictures of palm trees won’t help me realize that it’s not about looking good to impress others – it’s about learning to be comfortable in my own skin whether it’s at my current weight or any other.  It’s about being aware and mindful of what I put into my body, and why.

Without self-acceptance, I can start over a thousand times, and not realize more than temporary success.

Please, if you’re still with me, be patient.  I think I’ve finally crashed and burned, and I’m ready to rise from the ashes.