2012 Reflections #2–The Good, The Bad, And The Downright Ugly

I think I’ll do this backwards…

The Downright Ugly

Probably the biggest thing that was ugly about the past year for me was my work environment for the first part of the year – and the effects that it was having on the other areas of my life.  I was extremely unhappy because I felt that I wasn’t being treated fairly and that I was basically at a dead-end with my employer at the time – no opportunities for advancement, and constantly having to take the fall for and clean up after messes that were not entirely of my making.  While I realize that I was indeed a part of the problem, I couldn’t at that time accept that I appeared to be the only one taking the blame.  I fell deeply into the black pit of depression, stopped caring about my work ethic, my health and well-being, and the things that made me happy.  In fact, it got so bad that I nearly blew my career right to hell.  Fortunately, life circumstances took me out of the situation before permanent damage was done – more on that in a later section of this post.

With regard to my fitness, I’m also ending the year on an ugly note – the number on the scale is higher than it was at the start of the year, and my clothing is now a fair bit more snug that it was 12 months ago.  I’m trying to learn not to place value on these things as much as I do, but it’s difficult to undo 50 years’ worth of indoctrination that one’s worth is inversely proportional to the size of one’s butt and gut.

The Bad

I still can’t run for more than a minute at a time.

My eating habits, activity consistency, motivation, and self-acceptance are still mediocre, at best.

I tried hypnosis for weight loss… 

I didn’t get any work done on the house.

I didn’t progress with any professional education or certification.

I didn’t have the Hawaii 5-0 I was dreaming of. 

Now, On The Other Hand…

The Good! 

I got an awesome job that I absolutely love!  My career goals have been enhanced and renewed, and I’m looking forward to building my skills and knowledge in the coming year.

I’m registered for several running events in the new year, including a New Year’s Day virtual 5K.

I’m at peace with my decision to remove my mother and sister from my life.

I’m happier than I’ve EVER been.

On rare occasions, I’m blissful in the moment.

I have a New Year’s blessing that I want to share tomorrow…

2012 Reflections #1

Now that Christmas is over, I was thinking of running a series of short posts reflecting on what I’ve accomplished this past year, and what I’ve come up short on, what I’ve done right, and where there is/was room for improvement.

Problem is, I came home from work with a queasy stomach and a pounding head – not conducive to my thought process.  I’m finally starting to feel a bit better, so hopefully, tomorrow is a better day.

Starting Something New

Today I started something new – I downloaded a little program to my work computer that lets me set any number of countdown timers, and created two of them, to start with.

First, I created one that will remind me to drink some water every hour, since I often get caught up in my work and forget.

The second goes off every two hours, and tells me to take a walk.  If I’m not on a call or critical issue, I’ll do just that – since today was a beautiful day, I went out and walked around the hospital.  I got in a nice ten-minute brisk walk, and soaked up some nice vitamin D in the bargain.  When the alarm next went off, though, I was tied up with a software vendor that is setting up a new system.  Surprisingly, I was actually disappointed that I had to miss my little stroll!

I’m actually looking forward to seeing that little message pop up on my screen tomorrow, telling me to stand up and back away from the keyboard for a bit!

Out With The Old….

So, some time back (September, at Fitbloggin’, actually), I began to realize that this journal was not focused where it really needed to be, and I began to talk about making some changes to it.  I really think I was sending myself the wrong message – one that was reinforcing my self-loathing by pointing up the differences between the way I look and the way society thinks we should all look.

Well, I’ve finally started the makeover, with an entirely cosmetic facelift.  I’m striving now for simplicity and clarity, in the hopes that these characteristics might carry over to my way of thinking about weight loss.  The pretty pictures of palm trees won’t help me realize that it’s not about looking good to impress others – it’s about learning to be comfortable in my own skin whether it’s at my current weight or any other.  It’s about being aware and mindful of what I put into my body, and why.

Without self-acceptance, I can start over a thousand times, and not realize more than temporary success.

Please, if you’re still with me, be patient.  I think I’ve finally crashed and burned, and I’m ready to rise from the ashes.

The Bucket List #1

Visit Scotland, see my castle

Dive at night with the mantas off of Kona on the big island of Hawaii

Run the San Fran Women’s Nike

Write a novel

Write a book to help people like me

My First Fitbloggin’ Chapter 1

Well, my first Fitbloggin’ has come and gone, and I’ve got soooo many thoughts coming through right now that it’s difficult to decide where to start… Maybe I should start at the beginning….

I landed in Baltimore after a flight that was uneventful, and would have been on time if not for a fuel truck blocking the access to our gate.  Fortunately, it appears that Baltimore has the fastest baggage claim on the planet, as my suitcase was already on the carousel when I got to it.  I then rushed off to find the closest check-in desk for the shuttle, but, when I got there, nobody was in attendance, and the kiosk needed a reboot.

The next desk was all the way down at the far end of the (very long) baggage claim area, so I got my very first workout of the trip trying to get down there in time to catch the shuttle so that I could get to the McCormick tour.  I became ever more doubtful, as they told me that my shuttle would be there in 30 minutes or less.

Finally, they called for the bus.  I got on with another woman, who, as it turned out was Kia, aka @bodhi_bear.  She set the tone for my entire weekend, with her friendly and welcoming attitude, and her successful efforts to contact the McCormick folks to ensure we both made the tour.

Thanks to Kia, I began to feel that I just might be able to feel comfortable with so many new people, which is a rarity for me.

Well, time to call it a night, so that I can actually make it to the office tomorrow…  Stay tuned!

An Apology To All My New Fitbloggin’ Friends

Hello, new (and even old) friends…  My name is Sue, and I’m a crappy blogger.  It’s been two weeks since my last post…  And that post promised a bunch more posts that never came.

In the coming weeks, there are some serious changes I’ll be making.  For one thing, the palm trees are going away… 

The facelift won’t be starting until I get home from Fitbloggin’, though…  So give me a bit o’ breathin’ room, ‘k?