Me Vs. The CPAP

Yup, just after 2 am is a really strange time for me to be writing a blog entry…

Well, here’s the story…

Back in November, I had a sleep study, and was diagnosed with mild-to-moderate sleep apnea.  The specialist decided I should go back for another, to see how I did with a CPAP machine.

I didn’t.

My body reacted to having air forced up the nostrils by stopping breathing – the gag reflex kicked in, and all the air that was going into my nose came right back out of my mouth.  They even tried two different masks – the first was at least semi-comfortable; the second was downright painful.  I thought my nose was being yanked off.

I also tensed up to the point where my jaws were clenched – not at all conducive to a restful night!  In fact, I came home from the aborted study more awake than when I left to go to the sleep center (and that’s why I’m still up!).

The tech at the center suggested having the doc prescribe a sleeping pill, and coming back to try again – it would relax me to the point where my body wouldn’t fight the machine.  Well, that’s all well and good for the test, but what about the subsequent weeks or months it will take to get to where I would actually be able to sleep with the damn thing on?  I don’t need to be dropping a sleeping pill every night!

I think I’ll tell the doc at the follow-up that I will just stick with my meditation and my hypnotherapy – they seem to be helping me sleep just fine, thank you very much!

I think I’ll go up to bed with a book until I can relax and fall asleep – for real this time!

I Owe You (And Myself) A Blog Entry

It’s time I caught up with myself, so that you can, too.

Probably the biggest thing to note is that I started a hypnotherapy program a week ago.  So far, it seems to be working – I’m sleeping better, and starting to make better food choices automatically.  It’s actually very relaxing, too – in fact, I will probably purchase my own light-and-sound machine at some point.  There are a number of programs available beyond the weight loss program I signed up for – I do believe there is a good value there.  I’m looking forward to seeing this evolve over the next nine months, and I’m feeling very positive.

As part of my program, I have a number of “inch-loss body wraps” included (and a 21-day cleanse that I will start in my third week).  I did my first body wrap yesterday, and found it actually very pleasant – not what I expected from being slathered in a lotion that smells like Red-Hot cinnamon candies and turned into a plastic-wrap mummy.  I also got to sit in an infrared sauna as part of the treatment (it worked much better than the one that I experienced at my visit to Spa Dhara recently) – I was thoroughly sweated after just 20 minutes.

The body wrap took nearly five inches off of me, too!  And I did a nice hypnosis session while I was wrapped.  I get to do at least three more of these, too!

I finally started up on #7daychip again too, and made it for 22 days this time.  I’m not sure why, but I had a down day on Monday, and just ate stupid.  I started over again on Tuesday, and am feeling pretty good just now, although it’s early in the game.

My objective this week is to start working out more consistently, and I had a hypnosis session customized to that purpose yesterday.

My big achievement for the week was my first-ever successful shoulder stand at yoga class last night – that felt awesome!

Another Fork In The Road

I’ve realized now that I’ve got to change my way of thinking in order to be successful at weight loss and healthy living, and I’ve been trying to do it on my own for a couple of months now.  So far, my results have been minimal, at best.

To that end, I’m trying out a different route, starting this Wednesday.

I’ll let you all know how it feels after the first go-round.

Simple Pleasures

I have dirt under my fingernails, and I feel good.

I spent the last hour planting tulip bulbs into our newly-created flower bed.  It’s a lovely sunny early-spring day here in Northern California; not too warm but not cold, either (although that will change in the early morning hours).  There is nothing so relaxing as digging in the dirt, knowing that you’ll be rewarded with beautiful flowers in a few weeks.

Why is it so easy to put the effort into something that may take months to give results, when I’m so impatient when I don’t see results of my efforts to live healthy?  I still have a long way to go in developing patience for the results of working out and eating right to manifest.  I find it far to easy to give up, and to give in to temptation.

I guess I need to look at myself the same way I do the tulip bulbs – in time, with careful nurturing, I will start to see beautiful results.

I Love This Quote #1

I don't want my pain erased. As wretched as it is, I need my pain. It makes me who I am.

- From the January 22nd, 2012, episode of “Once Upon A Time”

A Different Kind Of Cleanse…

So far, 2012 has not been kind.  On the 4th of January, I was involved in a car accident that left me sore and stressed over the possibly permanent loss of our primary commuter car.  It was over a week later that we finally found out that the at-fault insurance company was going to cover the repairs instead of having it written off.

The following Monday, I went in for my first-ever colonoscopy – oh, joy of joys!  For those that have experienced this, you know what I mean, and for those that have not; the prep is WAY worse than the procedure itself.  Anyway, the pure liquid diet required for the day preceding the procedure threw my eating plans out of whack, and I was totally starving afterward, and went off the deep end trying to make up for it.

Then, on the 16th, I went in to have a tooth extracted – this sort of limited my dining options for a few days, and, again, my brain took over, and told me I needed to make up for it by eating not-so-well for the next week.

Finally, my husband’s birthday was this week, so we went out for dinner – once again, the dining choice was less than optimal.

Of course, there was also a significant amount of stress involved in these events – I’m sure that this fueled the fire of my lack of food control.  I’ve identified that I am prone to unhealthy eating as a ‘reward’ for the unhappy events in my life.

Anyway, a couple of months ago, I made plans to attend a geocaching event over in Reno.  The event was held this last Saturday night, and was quite enjoyable.  We headed out Friday morning, having taken the day off work, and got to our hotel at about 3 pm.  We spent that evening just vegging out and relaxing.  Saturday, before the event, we took Harley out to a dog park so that she could get in some off-leash time.  She didn’t seem too interested, so we decided to try for a couple of nearby geocaches.  This didn’t last too long, though, as it was quite cold and windy in advance of the arrival of the first significant winter storm of the year.  Still, it was a nice afternoon – we didn’t have anything scheduled or planned, and we just played it by ear.  I went to the event that evening, and sampled many tasty dishes at the event, which was a potluck, without worrying about the results.  Sunday morning, we slept as late as checkout time allowed, and made it over the Donner Summit just in time to beat the chain controls.

All in all, it was a quite enjoyable weekend, and I now realize that this is the first REAL vacation that we’ve taken since our first anniversary – every trip since then has involved either work or parents (which are typically NOT real vacations, right?).  We’ve taken lazy weekends at home from time to time, but being at home always raises that thought that there is something that needs doing, particularly when you’re in the process of remodeling.  It was really good to get away from everything, including the house, for a little while, even if just for a couple of days

I finished off the weekend with a really nice session with my Sunday ladies’ meditation group, and then a nice soak in the bath.  At this point, I’m feeling more relaxed, happy, and positive than I have since New Years’ Day.

I have now realized the importance of REAL downtime – where you’re not looking around worrying about what you SHOULD be doing.  Being in an environment where you don’t HAVE to do anything is truly cleansing – good for my emotional and mental health, and, in the long run, for my physical health.  I’m going to do my best to ensure this happens more often than every five years.

2012–Looking Back At Week 1

I started the new year with high hopes, and the seeds of my plan for healthy changes.  The first three days went beautifully – I was quite happy with them.

On Wednesday and Thursday, I fell off the wagon after a car accident.  Thursday was also the day that the gastroenterologist set me up for my first-ever colonoscopy (oh, yay, right?).  I would get to spend half of my weekend on a clear-liquid-only diet.  My brain told me a better stock up on a few (OK, maybe more than a few) extra calories, so I went a bit nuts from Thursday and Friday.

Surprisingly, though, what I’m thinking most frequently right now is that I can’t wait to get back on track with eating and working out.  Just a year ago, this all would have become nothing more than an excuse to go on a binge until the first of the next month.  Not this time, though – I am more than ready to return to my commitment to me.

All in all, I am feeling pretty good about things right now, despite the setbacks.  I’m not letting myself be overwhelmed – I am making progress!